How Traditional Male-Female Roles Affect Men After a Divorce
Traditionally, men have been breadwinners while women have taken care of the home. However, nowadays, things are changing within the system. And although it’s rare to find a situation in which the man stays home and looks after the kids while the woman goes out to work, it’s at least become quite common to see both partners working and having careers while they’re also raising children. Still, the fact that men tend to spend more time out of the home affects them when it comes to a divorce.
How Overworking Leads Into a Divorce
First of all, you may often find that overworking is the cause of a divorce. Men feel so much pressure to provide for their partners and children that they push themselves to the point of overworking, thus spending very little time with their families.
The precipitating event which leads into the divorce may be something more dramatic like infidelity but the underlying reason is often that men just don’t spend enough time with their spouses, fulfilling their emotional and physical needs. And, as a result, they may feel that their own physical and emotional needs aren’t being met either.
Both partners are starved for love and affection by the time a divorce comes around. The situation has become so dire that there’s no way to remedy it and a further split becomes necessary.
Feelings of Loneliness After a Divorce
Of course, there’s going to be intense feelings of loneliness after a divorce—something which men may not expect because they’ve lived alone before and they think that they can go back to it in a snap. But the absence of a partner and children, the absence of noise within a home, the absence of family meals no matter how noisy and irritating they seemed earlier is difficult and makes them feel isolated.
The fact is that children usually go with the mother after a divorce; the father only sees them on the weekends. So whereas women might lose the presence of one person in their life, men often lose the presence of more than one.
Practical Adjustments After a Divorce
Men may also have to adjust to a new living situation—possibly a smaller house or apartment than they had before. Additionally, they start realizing that they relied on their spouse to do certain things within the house, such as, possibly, cooking. Often, it’s only after a divorce that they realize how much thought goes into the preparation of a meal. So in addition to an emotional upheaval, men also have to adjust to the practical issues surrounding living alone.
7 Ways to Self-Care Through the Breakup Blues
The shock and the mere hint of rejection can make you feel like you got hit by a train after a breakup. However, you can make a complete 360-degree recovery with an effective self-care plan. These are seven quick tips that can get you inflated and smiling again in no time:
1. Embrace the Grief Stages
Grief is normal. Everyone who loses something or someone significant goes through it. Accepting this concept and working through the stages naturally will help you survive your breakup.
2. Remember It Isn’t Personal
Many people fall into depression because they keep wondering what was wrong with them that made the breakup occur. Very rarely is a breakup one person’s fault. Sometimes the reason is that you just weren’t a good match. The perfect flame is out there for every bad match, so don’t beat yourself up over the loss.
3. Get to Know Yourself
The post-breakup period is a perfect time to spend time with yourself and get to know you. You will learn information about yourself that you never had time to learn when you were engulfed in a relationship.
4. Accomplish Something Great
Have you ever wanted to take music lessons, write a novel, or reinvent the wheel? Now is the time to do that and have fun doing it, too. Go do the one thing that you always dreamed about but never had the time to pursue.
5. Pamper Yourself
Give yourself all the love and care that you feel that you didn’t get from the relationship. Eat delicious ice cream. Get a manicure. Take a cruise around the world. This is your time to be loved even if it’s only by yourself. Self-love is some of the most spirit-lifting love you can get.
6. Hang With Supportive Friends
You should always make a point to surround yourself with supporters like friends and family members. This is especially important when you’re in the depressive stage of grief. Reserve a night of the week for activities like bowling, shopping sprees, or group movies. Try not to discuss the breakup unless you need some more advice.
7. Bless Yourself With Therapy
Schedule an appointment with a therapist so that you can have another person in your life who will support you and steer you in the right direction. The services that you can get from a therapist can be quite comforting and empowering if you choose the right one.
We offer therapeutic services for post-breakup clients. We also provide help with finances, divorces, and family issues. Contact us for a consultation to see if we can be a positive force in your journey of recovery.
Combining Finances as a Couple
When couples decide to combine finances, whether through marriage or a living arrangement, the last thing on their minds is money. Many believe that the money issue will be an easy transition. For couples with great communication, this is most likely true. However, that communication must include talking about finances. There are specific topics that need to be discussed. Below are some tips for new couples when merging finances.
Discuss spending and saving habits
Some people tend to be more natural at saving, and others think with their hearts first and wallets second. There is room for all types of personalities in a loving relationship. The key, however, is being honest with your loved one about your spending and saving habits. Each person can learn from the other. By identifying each other’s strengths and weaknesses, both parties can learn to bring out the best in the other, and gently encourage their partner into developing better financial habits.
Talk about any outstanding debt
Joining assets legally through marriage, and not talking about how much you owe on credit card debt or student loans can start your joint life off on the wrong foot. Many surveys have concluded that the number one thing that most couples argue about is about money. By not disclosing your debt, this could make future money issues even worse. This is not about playing the blame game, however. It’s about knowing in advance the financial situation each person is bringing to the table in order to tackle future financial goals and obstacles together.
Talk about how you will join assets
Some couples merge all of their assets into one bank account. Couples that do this oftentimes can save money more quickly and achieve financial goals easier. However, it does not come easily. If a couple decides to go this route, they must put some rules into place. For example, bills must be paid first and anything purchased by either partner individually over X amount of dollars must be discussed with the other partner first. This can prevent impulse shopping and spending money on things that aren’t a priority. This amount can be determined in advance and can change later on, depending on the couple’s financial situation. A couple must also decide the amount they want to dedicate to savings, investing, or paying off loans more quickly.
Other couples may decide that having separate bank accounts is the best decision for them, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you decide to have separate accounts, then a discussion about who is going to pay what is necessary. Having a third account, set aside for saving that both couples contribute to, is another topic couples need to consider in order to achieve their financial goals together.
Even if people don’t want to admit it, money is a very emotional topic. When we bring in another person into our lives and include them in our finances, it gets a little more complicated. Open communication, in addition to discussing specific topics and goals, is important in order to make this transition go more smoothly. You must also recognize the need to consult outside sources when necessary, so that both your relationship and pocketbook can live in perfect harmony.