Best Practices for a Marriage: Keep the Romance Alive!

keeping the love aliveRecently married? Adjusting to happy changes in life is an adventure, especially with someone you love. It can also be a little intimidating–and that is okay! There are many adjustments that take place once you tie the knot, and sometimes romance gets lost in the transition of your relationship from dating to engaged to married couple.

While you adjust to married life and tackle these adjustments together, it is important to keep the romance alive. By making time for romance, you show your commitment to one another and keep that spark burning, even when change makes it difficult.

Keeping the romance alive in your relationship is one of our best practices for a successful marriage. Every relationship is different, and, as a couple, you know what works for you.

That said, here are a few best practice tips to help you make time for romance during the day-to-day grind:

  1. Spend time together – alone. Although you may spend time together every day, carve out special date nights or outings just for the two of you. Turn of your cellphone. Lock your doors. Ignore the internet. Spending time together strengthens your relationship, and as you brainstorm ways to spend your special time together you show your partner how important he or she is to you.
  2. Learn their love language. We all have different love languages. Get to know your partner’s love language, and use that to make him or her feel extra special. If you have different love languages, this may take research and thinking outside the box. That’s okay…it shows how much you truly care!
  3. Try something new. Trying something new is a great way to bond, laugh, and spend time together all at the same time. It will strengthen your relationship and keep your relationship fresh. You’ll make great memories together.
  4. Say the words. Yes, you love each other. You even dedicated your life to each other. What more do you need? Why, to reaffirm your love, of course! Make sure you remind your partner of your love every day. Even when you’re frustrated, tired, dirty – say the words.

What works for your partner? How do you keep the romance alive in your relationship? It is key to remember that all relationships take work, especially as your adjusting to change in your life.

The High Stakes of Infidelity – Part 2

Life after infidelityIn our last post, we discussed some of the critical factors that often determine whether a marriage will stay intact after infidelity or whether it will dissolve.  In this post, we will discuss what is most likely the greatest determinant of the survival of a marriage and some thoughts on how to arrive at the best outcome.

The Highest Stake

One of the biggest factors that determines the outcome of a marriage after infidelity is the family unit. Once children enter a marriage, parents make countless sacrifices for the health and welfare of their children, and unfaithfulness presents another potential sacrifice on the part of one parent.

Most children are blissfully unaware of marital issues, but instead are living their young lives, unconsciously benefiting from the foundational stability provided by the family unit. As difficult as it is, a spouse who found out their partner cheated on them has to consider whether the pain is severe enough to warrant changing the lives of their children forever through divorce.

Final Thoughts

To arrive at the right decision, it might be helpful to consider the long-term outcome of either staying together or splitting up the family. Can you envision a repaired marriage, an intact stable family and joy in the outcome of a job well done after a lifetime of honoring your commitment? If you dissolve the marriage, what will the lives of your children look like after they grow up? What will your life look like, years down the road?

After infidelity, your future and the future of your children are at a crossroads. Getting beyond the pain in order to look at the long-term consequences of deciding which path to take is not easy, but can be helpful in order to choose the best possible outcome.

InfidelityThe High Stakes of Infidelity – Part 1

There are probably a million and one reasons as to why one of the partners in a marriage decides to indulge in infidelity.  Sometimes it is a one time betrayal, whereas in other relationships the cheating partner returns again and again to unfaithfulness.  No matter how little or how many times it happens, the faithful partner almost always seriously considers immediately ending the marriage.  Yet as painful as betrayal is, some couples actually honor their commitment to one another, repair their marriage and go on to live faithfully to and for each other.  So what are some of the critical factors that lead to a repaired marriage after infidelity?

In this two-part series, we will explore some of these critical factors.

How Many Times?

When the affair is first uncovered, almost every wounded partner wants to know how many times did the cheating occur.  Of course, every interaction of unfaithful intimacy matters deeply to the wounded spouse.  If the unfaithfulness consisted of an unplanned one-time occurrence, there is most likely a greater chance of forgiveness than discovering your partner indulged in serial infidelity.

Commitment and Personal Faith

In these days of no-fault divorce and re-marriages galore, it is easy to assume that all marriages should dissolve after infidelity.  However, many people still value the seriousness in which they entered their marriage commitment, and the vow they made before their God is not something they want to break.  Some people choose to lean very heavily on their faith to carry them through their most painful moments and decide to stay after many months of soul-searching, religious counseling and finding wisdom and strength through their spiritual faith.

In part two, we will explore the last critical factor and offer some advice on how to arrive at the best outcome after infidelity.