Marriage Problems

communicating couplesMind games can be complicated, and they can ruin good communication patterns. If your spouse seems to be implying two contradictory things at once, you may need some outside help to get your relationship back on track.

First, give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. If the issue at hand isn’t urgent, then let it go. Maybe your spouse is going through a rough spot in life, and his communication became unusually mixed-up. Allow some time to pass before confronting your spouse on the issue again. Chances are, given time, the mind games will disappear and you can move forward normally.

But if they don’t, don’t despair. You are not going crazy, and this is not your fault. Believe in your own sanity and seek outside help. Do you have a friend you can trust to be fair? Ask her opinion. Can someone else talk to your spouse about the issue? Try that. Gentle, non-combative ways of confronting your spouse are possible. Let him know that you don’t understand, and you don’t appreciate the mixed messages.

Mind games can seriously frustrate a good relationship, but relationships are worth working on. Take it slow, and wisely move forward to untangle the knots.

divorce concept family separationDivorce is stressful. There is a lot on your plate between maintaining your job, dividing all the assets, figuring out living situations, and determining custody agreements. Even if you were the one that asked for the divorce, there is some sadness too. It’s a major chapter of your life coming to an end. It’s easy to forget how much your child’s life is changing too. While doing your best to keep all the sadness and hurt from them, trying to keep their schedule as normal as possible, and never bad mouthing the other parent, your kids are still stressed too.

Even if your kids knew everything wasn’t happy in your marriage they still won’t understand why it’s happening. They will internalize it. They will spend a fair amount of time wondering if they could have stopped it. It is so important to keep the lines of communication open with them. What details you reveal are at your discretion, but some form of, “mommy and daddy grew in different directions, and while we don’t love each other anymore, we both still love you very much,” is important. Kids need that reassurance, and often.

Little kids can sometimes hold very unrealistic expectations; such as asking if you can all still live together. Their entire world is often centered on us and how we behave. Keep that in mind always. The way you talk to your soon to be ex in front of them, and how you talk about each other to them, will be remembered. As much as you want the divorce to be over or as angry as you may be, the kids don’t need to see it, not now. When they are older, late teens to adults, they are more capable of having a conversation about how you felt, but now they not only can’t understand, but they will internalize.

Divorce for kids means their entire way of life has ended. Consider (if possible) a civil friendship with your ex until the kids are older. If your kids play sports, are in band, or anything other event you go watch, if you and your ex can’t sit together your kids will have to choose who to run to first. That kind of decision can be crushing for them. Their time with their parents is now limited. They will have different rules and expectations at both houses. They will have a lot of their own emotions tied in as well. As hard as this is for you, it is just as hard on them. Make sure you acknowledge that to them, and try to help them through it too.

Your kids will survive your divorce, but they will need your help to do it. Don’t minimize their suffering (by accident or by choice) because they are young, and don’t compare it to yours.

Being a Trustworthy Person

trustworthyThere is a wikiHow on what it means to be a trustworthy person, so it is something that people want to know how to do and are just not sure how to get there. So what is it that people are searching for? What qualities should a person have to be considered trustworthy?

Honesty

Being an honest person is the first and most important quality that someone should have to be considered a trustworthy person. There is a reason that you hear people say “honesty is the best policy”. If you are not being honest with the people around you and with yourself how is anyone supposed to trust you? Simply put, they can’t. Some people may think that an honest answer to a person’s questions may be considered too harsh and that lying to them will spare them. While your intentions may be good, more people would rather you tell them a harsh truth than a nice lie.

Reliability

If you tell someone you are going to do something then you have to do it. If you make a promise and don’t keep it then people will stop taking you at your word. If you feel as though you will not be able to keep to a commitment then you have to let whoever know that you will not be able to keep it as soon as possible and apologize for any mistake. People that cancel plans last minute are considered unreliable trusting someone who is unreliable is very difficult.

Compassion

If you are a compassionate person people will be more likely to trust you. If you think about a scenario and can reverse the roles and put yourself in someone’s shoes you are able to be compassionate. Compassion and kindness go hand in hand; if you can show someone compassion you are being kind to that person. Being nice to someone will help them trust you, how often do you trust the person that’s rude or inconsiderate? Most people steer clear of those that are inconsiderate.

Being aware of these traits about yourself is important if you want people, especially your partner, to trust you. If you tell the truth you never have to remember what lie you told and to who to keep your story straight. Do the things you say you’re going to do, if you don’t want to do something, do not commit to it. Be kind to people around you, and treat others how you want to be treated. Remember these things and keep them in the back of your mind all the times, staying conscious of these things will help make you a trustworthy person.

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