Relationships

Dating is an important part of life. But not everyone has what it takes to go up to someone else in person and ask them out on a date. This is why everyone now uses an on-line dating site and other mobile apps to chat with someone first, then talk on the phone and finally go out on a date.

This makes it possible to get to know the other person a little bit first, before catching up with them one on one. You get a chance to see their photos, read their self-description and ask them questions about what they like and don’t like. This makes you a lot more confident when you actually meet that person in real life.

Posting a Photo on an on-line dating site

You don’t need to post a lot of photos of yourself on an on-line dating site. Even just one great photo is fine. But make sure that it’s a good one.

  • Smile: Most people swipe right on photos where the other person is smiling.
  • Make an Effort: It helps if the photo is well-lit and you look well-groomed and well-dressed.
  • Gym Photos: Guys, please stay away from photos in the gym. Women can tell when you have a good body even if you’re wearing a shirt.
  • Car/Bike Photos: Guys, stay away from photos of your car or bike. Most women don’t care for bikes. And do you really want a woman who likes you for your car?
  • Adventure Photos: Just remember that no one looks great when they’re scuba-diving or parasailing. So you can leave those photos out.
  • Photos with Pets: These can be supercute. Plus, they show an affectionate side of you that will attract the other person.
  • Older/Thinner Photos: Many people post old photos of themselves from when they were younger or thinner. This might get the other person interested for now but they’re obviously going to lose interest once they meet you. So don’t do it.

Writing a Description for an on-line dating site

Many times, people just post a couple of photos of themselves on an on-line dating site but don’t write anything. Or they might just write a line or two. But remember that the other person wants to know what kind of person you are before they swipe right on you. In fact, if you don’t photograph well, then this is your chance to impress that person with your charm and wit.

  • Interests: Tell them what kinds of books you like to read and what kind of movies you love.
  • Passions: What’s your passion? What do you want to do in life?
  • Relationships: What are you looking for in a partner? What are you willing to bring to the equation?
  • Be Yourself: Make sure to consider the type of person that you’re looking for in your photos and your write up. Try to appeal to that person but be yourself at the same time.
  • Don’t Lie: It’s really not a good idea to make things up in order to sound smarter or funnier than you really are.

 

Often, people have many differences in relationships; this is why the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus was a real success. It seems like men and women have really different takes when it comes to relationships, marriage, work and children. If you add cultural differences to the mix, a relationship can become even more explosive. So here are a few things to keep in mind when you embark on a cross-cultural relationship.

Gender Roles

Women the world over are becoming more independent, both financially and emotionally. However, in certain parts of the world, the man is still expected to be the breadwinner while the woman takes care of the home. It’s possible that, within a relationship, one of the two spouses might believe in a more traditional division of labor while the other one might not.

Just because you have different ideas doesn’t mean that you should have issues in your relationship. You both need to sit down and figure out a way of doing things that works for both of you. If both of you compromise a little bit, you should be able to come to an arrangement that works for you.

Of course, neither of the two partners should feel like they are being forced or pigeonholed in any way. So it’s important to keep the channels of communication open. If a certain arrangement is not working for you, then express how you feel and trust that your partner cares enough about you to make some adjustments.

Family Values

In certain countries like India, Italy, Puerto Rico etc., family is considered very important. It’s very rare for people to be completely out of touch with their families or only meet them once or twice a year. People spend time with their families on a regular basis and they help each other out whenever necessary. For example, if someone needs help babysitting, they can always call their parents, siblings etc. for help. People go on vacations with their large families too. And they look up to their elders, often doing what they say even if they don’t agree with them.

As opposed to this, we have the Western paradigm. Most Westerners leave their families when they go to college and live independently as adults. If they move out of state, they might only meet their families a couple of times a year.

If you’re marrying someone from a more family-oriented culture, you might have to get used to the idea of marrying an entire family! Most people find that once they adjust to the idea, they actually start liking this new way of life because it gives you so many people to fall back on. Still, if you feel like you need more privacy, this is also something you can discuss with your spouse and come to a compromise.

Online Dating and Relationship Expectations

Online datingOnline dating has changed how people value romantic relationships and potential partners. There are so many apps for your smart phone and dating websites that it seems your options are almost unlimited. This is the problematic approach that so many people take with dating in today’s technological climate of finding that perfect companion. If you sign-up for one or more of these apps or websites you’re bombarded with a plethora of online profiles. Depending on what app or website you use depends on how much information you need or want to put in your profile for potential partners to look through.

Apps like Tinder, let you put in a brief description of what you’re looking for, upload a few pictures, and then you are ready to start browsing. There is a very limited amount of information given in these profiles, so it’s hard to know who you are really talking to. Most people who use apps like these want something casual over something serious. Commitment is generally not something that either party is looking for with these apps. They are free to use and do not require much of a time commitment so meeting your ideal partner will be challenging.

Websites/apps like OkCupid, are primarily free to use but have pay-to-use features. These websites allow you to fill out a profile, answer questions, and browse potential matches based on the percentage of how highly they matched what you are looking for. This expectation that if someone is not a certain match percentage they are not a good fit for you, this is not necessarily true. If you met someone out at a bar and dated for years how likely is it that they would be a 95% match to your dating profile? Not very. This method will eliminate a variety of people who could be a great fit for you.

Websites/apps like Match, have much more extensive profiles and questionnaires and requires a subscription to use it. These websites have you fill out characteristics about yourself and what you are looking for in a potential partner to help with the matching process. Some websites have personality questionnaires to better understand your outlook and belief system to match you with someone similar. These pay-to-use websites are the best type to use because someone who is paying to use the website is likely looking for a serious commitment.

While many people do find a partner through these dating websites and apps, it is also easier for people to walk away and find someone else. The expression “there are plenty of fish in the sea” has never been more accurate. If you don’t like one thing about that person you met online, you can forget about them and move on to the next candidate. The problem is, with this variety of people who you wouldn’t have met otherwise, there is always the idea that there could be someone better out there. People think they can find someone who will match their idea of the perfect partner. There are thousands of options in front of you so there is one person who ticks off every box, right? For some, love isn’t worth the work anymore. People are more willing to walk away from a relationship then work on an issue. They expect they can find someone who will be everything they ever wanted.

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