Current Culture and Commitment – What are People Truly Looking For?
In recent years there has been a popular trend for individuals to make up a list of every quality they are looking for in a partner. These lists get revised, added to, deleted from, and sometimes ripped up in frustration by those who committed themselves to following their list but still have not been able to find a partner.
Sometimes people stop seeing someone simply because they lack one or two “qualities” that are not on the list. But is it really a matter of just finding someone who is an exact replica of the list? Is that what people are truly looking for? Probably not. How many people have met someone who fit all their criteria yet still there was no spark? If people hope to succeed in finding what they are looking for, they need to be honest with themselves first. If you truly are not looking for a committed relationship at this point in your life, then own it. Be honest with others and don’t lead them to believe you are looking for commitment when you actually are not. By not wasting their time, you also don’t waste your time getting involved with someone who wants more than what you do.
If you truly can say you are looking for a committed relationship, be open and flexible enough to look beyond your list. Most people, when they strip away all their superfluous wants, actually just want unconditional love. They want a partner who cares about them and who values and respects them. Dr. Phil, a famous psychologist, often uses the terminology of being “a soft fall” for each other. That means being willing to open up to another person and creating an intimacy that only two people can share with each other. Does a person really want to open up to another individual and become vulnerable through intimacy if they think they can expect a scolding for not picking up their socks or because they “failed” at being a good cook? Couples often struggle because they only look at the superficial, rather than having the maturity to look deeper at what a lasting relationship can offer.
Finding what you are really looking for, means starting with yourself. Are you mature? Are you forgiving? Are you focused only on the superficial? Do you actually like the opposite sex and are you planning to give of yourself to be their companion, or are you just looking for them to give you something? When you are ready to give, rather than focusing on what you want to get, that is a good first step. Don’t stop looking until you find someone who feels the same way.