Best Practices for a Marriage: Honesty, Trust, and Loyalty
Let’s pretend you’re in a marriage, and it’s on the rocks. Have you evaluated why? I’m not talking about the fights or little white lies here; I mean have you sought after the root of the problem? When honesty, trust, and loyalty are lacking, you can bet that the root of the problem lays in issues with communication and a lack of unwavering faith in your spouse. Are you both supportive, gracious, and kind to one another? If not, there may be some work ahead of you.
Telling the truth isn’t hard, and it’s important that both you and your partner are on the same page on this one. Be honest about your past and about your intentions. You don’t have to reveal your deepest darkest secrets, but don’t leave out some of the juicy details. Learning about one another occurs over the period of years and decades, show them who you truly are by being up front. They will appreciate the honesty and hopefully give it to you in return. Couples can be brutally honest and still remain polite.
Building upon honesty we have trust. Trust not only means that you know that honesty is present, but also that you trust you partner’s judgement and ultimately would put your life in their hands. Deep trust is developed over time and only occurs when both people feel safe and supported by the other. Also have trust in the relationship itself. Know and have faith that things will work out; through thick and thin. Remember those wedding vows? Stick by your beau through the hard times and the good times will come.
This one is a bit of a kicker. You’ve got honesty and trust but do you have loyalty? Someone who sticks by your side and supports you unconditionally. Being true to someone goes well beyond being faithful in the bedroom. Loyalty means going above and beyond for your love day after day, year after year. Loyalty is by some standards the single most important quality in a relationship or marriage.
A flailing marriage doesn’t have to be the end. Work on learning each other’s language; that is learning to communicate in a mutual way. Don’t interrupt, be respectful, and always stay calm when talking it out. Be the best you can be and see the results of your hard work. You will be surprised at the improvement in your marriage with attention placed on honesty, trust, and loyalty.
Communication don’ts for Relationships
Effective communication is critical to a healthy relationship. Avoid these communication Don’ts and you may avoid your next argument.
- Don’t read between the lines
Don’t over-think or over analyse what he or she said. You are using your own life experiences to make conclusions about what the other person meant. If you think there was more to it, ask – but don’t come to your own conclusions and then hold the other person accountable for them.
- Don’t beat a dead horse
If your partner did something years ago that upset you, don’t keep bringing it up. If you feel your are due an apology, ask for one, and get over it. Don’t use it as ammunition in every argument.
- Don’t make absolute statements
Saying things like “Always” and “Never” are for the sake of argument. If you are upset about something, be specific.
- Don’t start with an accusation
This one usually sounds like “YOU NEVER do the dishes”, or “YOU are ALWAYS late!” This is a double whammy of an accusation and an exaggerated absolute. This statement is usually the first of an argument.
- Don’t have a one-sided conversation
If you are doing all the talking, (or yelling), stop. Ask your partner to share his or her feelings.
- Don’t apologize for feelings
Apologize for what you did that upset someone, not for how they feel about it. Apologizing for someone’s feelings is like apologizing on their behalf. You have a right to your feelings and so does your partner, even if you don’t agree on it.
- Don’t assume
Assumptions about feelings, intentions, and responsibilities are to blame for many arguments. It is always better to talk to someone about what they are thinking rather than taking a guess at it.
There will be disagreements and misunderstandings. Talking through them without escalating to argument can ensure both of you have a chance to share your feelings and have your feelings heard.
Start your marriage on the right foot: Why combining finances as a couple is so important
You just married the person of your dreams. You are so excited to start your life together! You are so excited to buy the home, and start the family. There’s just one thing you can’t bring your self to do yet. Combine your finances. You know that one of the biggest reasons couples fight is over money. Keeping your finances separate only makes it worse. But how does one get over that hurdle?
A good marriage is built on trust:
It can be tough sharing your money with someone else. The other person has a say in how your paycheck gets spent, and that can be very daunting. However, now you are accountable to someone else. Just like your spouse is accountable to you. You have to trust that your spouse is a responsible spender. If that is not the case a conversation needs to happen soon.
If makes the two of you discuss money:
This may not sound like the most fun of conversations, but it is an important one for a strong marriage. The two of you need to discuss your goals with your money. When do you want to retire? When do you want to buy a house? How much do we need to save up each month to put aside for a down payment? These questions need to be addressed by both of you.
It ensures there are no secrets:
Secrets in a marriage are so destructive. Combining finances helps to put everything out in the open, and eliminates financial secrets. If you combine finances early on in your marriage it helps nip issues in the bud. Gambling or retail therapy issues that need to be resolved. It is better to resolve them early on in the marriage than letting them fester.
One of the top reasons couples fight is money. Let us help you resolve,or prevent those money arguments from happening. Call us today for a quote.