Couples counseling

Online Dating and Relationship Expectations

Online datingOnline dating has changed how people value romantic relationships and potential partners. There are so many apps for your smart phone and dating websites that it seems your options are almost unlimited. This is the problematic approach that so many people take with dating in today’s technological climate of finding that perfect companion. If you sign-up for one or more of these apps or websites you’re bombarded with a plethora of online profiles. Depending on what app or website you use depends on how much information you need or want to put in your profile for potential partners to look through.

Apps like Tinder, let you put in a brief description of what you’re looking for, upload a few pictures, and then you are ready to start browsing. There is a very limited amount of information given in these profiles, so it’s hard to know who you are really talking to. Most people who use apps like these want something casual over something serious. Commitment is generally not something that either party is looking for with these apps. They are free to use and do not require much of a time commitment so meeting your ideal partner will be challenging.

Websites/apps like OkCupid, are primarily free to use but have pay-to-use features. These websites allow you to fill out a profile, answer questions, and browse potential matches based on the percentage of how highly they matched what you are looking for. This expectation that if someone is not a certain match percentage they are not a good fit for you, this is not necessarily true. If you met someone out at a bar and dated for years how likely is it that they would be a 95% match to your dating profile? Not very. This method will eliminate a variety of people who could be a great fit for you.

Websites/apps like Match, have much more extensive profiles and questionnaires and requires a subscription to use it. These websites have you fill out characteristics about yourself and what you are looking for in a potential partner to help with the matching process. Some websites have personality questionnaires to better understand your outlook and belief system to match you with someone similar. These pay-to-use websites are the best type to use because someone who is paying to use the website is likely looking for a serious commitment.

While many people do find a partner through these dating websites and apps, it is also easier for people to walk away and find someone else. The expression “there are plenty of fish in the sea” has never been more accurate. If you don’t like one thing about that person you met online, you can forget about them and move on to the next candidate. The problem is, with this variety of people who you wouldn’t have met otherwise, there is always the idea that there could be someone better out there. People think they can find someone who will match their idea of the perfect partner. There are thousands of options in front of you so there is one person who ticks off every box, right? For some, love isn’t worth the work anymore. People are more willing to walk away from a relationship then work on an issue. They expect they can find someone who will be everything they ever wanted.

Discussing Shared Expenses

shared expensesToday, more and more couples are choosing to move in together before marriage and often, before combining their finances. And while it may seem like bliss is around the corner, shared expenses can be a rude wake up call. When deciding to co-habitate, couples should consider all of the shared expenses they’re about to incur, including rent, utilities, groceries, and more.

Here are three tips to make that transition a little easier.

  1. Discuss shared expenses BEFORE moving in

You’ve worked together to determine where you’re moving, but have you talked about bills? Before picking out paint colors and figuring out how to get that couch through the door, you and your significant other need to discuss who’s paying for what. You may choose to divide everything 50/50. One person may make significantly more than the other, so you choose to divide things more 60/40. No matter how you decide to divide your shared expenses, make sure the two of you have a plan before you move in.

  1. Check in with each other one month in

Even the best laid plans can go awry. This is why it’s crucial you check in with one another after your first month of sharing expenses. Are you both still living comfortably within your means? Or did one of you misjudge your budget? This is the time to assess and decide if you should continue with the original plan or update it to reflect the reality of living together.

  1. Maintain open communication

You’ve heard this before. All good relationships maintain open and honest communication. When it comes to your financial situation, this is especially good advice. Unexpected expenses – car trouble, ER visits – can quickly throw your monthly budget for a loop. As long as you and your significant other continue to be open with your financial situation, you’ll be able to work through this unexpected expenses in the most efficient way possible.

Now, go pick out those paint swatches!

Being a Trustworthy Person

trustworthyThere is a wikiHow on what it means to be a trustworthy person, so it is something that people want to know how to do and are just not sure how to get there. So what is it that people are searching for? What qualities should a person have to be considered trustworthy?

Honesty

Being an honest person is the first and most important quality that someone should have to be considered a trustworthy person. There is a reason that you hear people say “honesty is the best policy”. If you are not being honest with the people around you and with yourself how is anyone supposed to trust you? Simply put, they can’t. Some people may think that an honest answer to a person’s questions may be considered too harsh and that lying to them will spare them. While your intentions may be good, more people would rather you tell them a harsh truth than a nice lie.

Reliability

If you tell someone you are going to do something then you have to do it. If you make a promise and don’t keep it then people will stop taking you at your word. If you feel as though you will not be able to keep to a commitment then you have to let whoever know that you will not be able to keep it as soon as possible and apologize for any mistake. People that cancel plans last minute are considered unreliable trusting someone who is unreliable is very difficult.

Compassion

If you are a compassionate person people will be more likely to trust you. If you think about a scenario and can reverse the roles and put yourself in someone’s shoes you are able to be compassionate. Compassion and kindness go hand in hand; if you can show someone compassion you are being kind to that person. Being nice to someone will help them trust you, how often do you trust the person that’s rude or inconsiderate? Most people steer clear of those that are inconsiderate.

Being aware of these traits about yourself is important if you want people, especially your partner, to trust you. If you tell the truth you never have to remember what lie you told and to who to keep your story straight. Do the things you say you’re going to do, if you don’t want to do something, do not commit to it. Be kind to people around you, and treat others how you want to be treated. Remember these things and keep them in the back of your mind all the times, staying conscious of these things will help make you a trustworthy person.

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