Couples therapy

Start your marriage on the right foot: Why combining finances as a couple is so important

Starting your marriage off on the right foot1You just married the person of your dreams. You are so excited to start your life together! You are so excited to buy the home, and start the family. There’s just one thing you can’t bring your self to do yet. Combine your finances. You know that one of the biggest reasons couples fight is over money. Keeping your finances separate only makes it worse. But how does one get over that hurdle?

A good marriage is built on trust:

It can be tough sharing your money with someone else. The other person has a say in how your paycheck gets spent, and that can be very daunting. However, now you are accountable to someone else. Just like your spouse is accountable to you. You have to trust that your spouse is a responsible spender. If that is not the case a conversation needs to happen soon.

If makes the two of you discuss money:

This may not sound like the most fun of conversations, but it is an important one for a strong marriage. The two of you need to discuss your goals with your money. When do you want to retire? When do you want to buy a house? How much do we need to save up each month to put aside for a down payment? These questions need to be addressed by both of you.

It ensures there are no secrets:

Secrets in a marriage are so destructive. Combining finances helps to put everything out in the open, and eliminates financial secrets. If you combine finances early on in your marriage it helps nip issues in the bud. Gambling or retail therapy issues that need to be resolved. It is better to resolve them early on in the marriage than letting them fester.

One of the top reasons couples fight is money. Let us help you resolve,or prevent those money arguments from happening. Call us today for a quote.

Trust Issues: Betrayal vs. Early Patterns

Trust IssuesTrust is the bedrock of any relationship. Unless you trust the other person to be faithful to you, to be good to you and to tell you the truth, you’re not going to get very far in a relationship. Imagine a relationship in which you’re constantly suspecting that the other person is lying to you. This is not as rare as you might imagine. There are many relationships in which people experience a lot of doubt. Some are sure that the other person is lying to them about money. Others feel like they’re being cheated on even if they have no proof.

Why Do Trust Issues Arise?

There are times when this trust issue arises from a betrayal but there are also times when it’s completely unnecessary i.e., the other person might not be doing anything to betray your trust but you still have doubts about them. Sometimes, not trusting the other person is a pattern that people get into when they are young. Maybe they saw the same pattern existing between their parents. Or maybe their first relationship ended badly when they were at an impressionable age. Either way, people like this are never able to trust others because they’ve made up their minds that no one in the world is trustworthy.

Being with Someone Who Doesn’t Trust You

Being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust you can be very frustrating. No matter how much you try to show the other person that you love them, they refuse to believe you. And they twist the evidence present so that it’s in their favor. Any little thing you do wrong is taken as evidence of your lack of love and your lack of trustworthiness. Being in a relationship like this takes a toll on the partner who is constantly running around trying to prove their love.

Can You Make Someone Trust You?

If this describes you, you need to take a step back and think about whether the other person really has a reason not to trust you or whether they just don’t trust you because of baggage they’re carrying around from the past. Because if it’s the latter, then there’s not much you can do to resolve the issue. But if their lack of trust arose because of a betrayal on your part, then you can try counseling, learn to communicate better and of course, behave in a trustworthy manner from that point forward.

Money Musts When you Split up

divorce proceedings

One of life’s most difficult events occurs when a couple decides to split up.  So it should come as no surprise there are potentially significant financial consequences attached to the separation as well.  Although it is an emotionally difficult time, there are things you can do financially that can help mitigate at least the financial impact of such a significant life event.

Some of the money musts when you split up include establishing your own accounts that only you can access.  This also means closing all your joint accounts with your former spouse, including any credit card accounts.  In addition, change any PINs or passwords for any current accounts you have in your name only, if you think your ex-spouse could guess what they are.

Contact your mortgage lender or landlord and any utility or phone companies to let them know of your separation.  Depending on whether you are the one staying or leaving, update all these types of financial contracts to either remove your name or your former spouse’s name.  If you have vehicle loans or even if your vehicles are paid off, you will need to determine who will take possession of these types of assets.  If you have any life insurance policies or a will, you’ll want update them to remove any references to your former spouse.

When it comes to issues such as child care and legal division of assets and liabilities, you need to seek independent legal help even if you are on good terms with your ex-spouse.  By contacting an expert on legal and financial matters with regard to divorce proceedings, you can hopefully minimize the disruption that takes place as you and perhaps your children transition to a new life.

Contact us today for help with regards to financial matters when entering into divorce proceedings.

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