How Traditional Male-Female Roles Affect Men After a Divorce
Traditionally, men have been breadwinners while women have taken care of the home. However, nowadays, things are changing within the system. And although it’s rare to find a situation in which the man stays home and looks after the kids while the woman goes out to work, it’s at least become quite common to see both partners working and having careers while they’re also raising children. Still, the fact that men tend to spend more time out of the home affects them when it comes to a divorce.
How Overworking Leads Into a Divorce
First of all, you may often find that overworking is the cause of a divorce. Men feel so much pressure to provide for their partners and children that they push themselves to the point of overworking, thus spending very little time with their families.
The precipitating event which leads into the divorce may be something more dramatic like infidelity but the underlying reason is often that men just don’t spend enough time with their spouses, fulfilling their emotional and physical needs. And, as a result, they may feel that their own physical and emotional needs aren’t being met either.
Both partners are starved for love and affection by the time a divorce comes around. The situation has become so dire that there’s no way to remedy it and a further split becomes necessary.
Feelings of Loneliness After a Divorce
Of course, there’s going to be intense feelings of loneliness after a divorce—something which men may not expect because they’ve lived alone before and they think that they can go back to it in a snap. But the absence of a partner and children, the absence of noise within a home, the absence of family meals no matter how noisy and irritating they seemed earlier is difficult and makes them feel isolated.
The fact is that children usually go with the mother after a divorce; the father only sees them on the weekends. So whereas women might lose the presence of one person in their life, men often lose the presence of more than one.
Practical Adjustments After a Divorce
Men may also have to adjust to a new living situation—possibly a smaller house or apartment than they had before. Additionally, they start realizing that they relied on their spouse to do certain things within the house, such as, possibly, cooking. Often, it’s only after a divorce that they realize how much thought goes into the preparation of a meal. So in addition to an emotional upheaval, men also have to adjust to the practical issues surrounding living alone.
7 Ways to Self-Care Through the Breakup Blues
The shock and the mere hint of rejection can make you feel like you got hit by a train after a breakup. However, you can make a complete 360-degree recovery with an effective self-care plan. These are seven quick tips that can get you inflated and smiling again in no time:
1. Embrace the Grief Stages
Grief is normal. Everyone who loses something or someone significant goes through it. Accepting this concept and working through the stages naturally will help you survive your breakup.
2. Remember It Isn’t Personal
Many people fall into depression because they keep wondering what was wrong with them that made the breakup occur. Very rarely is a breakup one person’s fault. Sometimes the reason is that you just weren’t a good match. The perfect flame is out there for every bad match, so don’t beat yourself up over the loss.
3. Get to Know Yourself
The post-breakup period is a perfect time to spend time with yourself and get to know you. You will learn information about yourself that you never had time to learn when you were engulfed in a relationship.
4. Accomplish Something Great
Have you ever wanted to take music lessons, write a novel, or reinvent the wheel? Now is the time to do that and have fun doing it, too. Go do the one thing that you always dreamed about but never had the time to pursue.
5. Pamper Yourself
Give yourself all the love and care that you feel that you didn’t get from the relationship. Eat delicious ice cream. Get a manicure. Take a cruise around the world. This is your time to be loved even if it’s only by yourself. Self-love is some of the most spirit-lifting love you can get.
6. Hang With Supportive Friends
You should always make a point to surround yourself with supporters like friends and family members. This is especially important when you’re in the depressive stage of grief. Reserve a night of the week for activities like bowling, shopping sprees, or group movies. Try not to discuss the breakup unless you need some more advice.
7. Bless Yourself With Therapy
Schedule an appointment with a therapist so that you can have another person in your life who will support you and steer you in the right direction. The services that you can get from a therapist can be quite comforting and empowering if you choose the right one.
We offer therapeutic services for post-breakup clients. We also provide help with finances, divorces, and family issues. Contact us for a consultation to see if we can be a positive force in your journey of recovery.
Is There a Wrong Way to Forgive?
Forgiveness is a touchy topic that we all hear about at different times in our lives. It’s biblical, philosophical, psychological and just plain good for the soul. Everyone knows that we’re supposed to forgive, but what about how to forgive? Is there a wrong way to give your forgiveness to someone? We can answer that question by discussing three other questions.
1. What Is Forgiveness?
The definition of forgiveness is the spiritual or emotional release of another person’s wrongdoing. When you forgive someone, you let go of any anger or resentment you have about the deed. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you forget. It just means that you are willing to release the negative feelings associated with the act that hurt you.
2. Who Is Forgiveness For?
Forgiveness does not belong to the person who committed the wrong unless that person specifically asks for it. It’s usually for the victim or the one who is forgiving. It benefits that person because it releases him or her from poisonous feelings and emotions.
3. What Does Forgiveness Do?
Forgiveness sets the hurt person free. Therefore, you can take power over your life back if you forgive someone. Reclaiming your control is a huge step. It completely separates you from the pain and allows you to live a healthy life that does not involve the shackles of bitterness.
It doesn’t matter how you forgive because you’re not doing it for the other person. You’re doing it for yourself. Furthermore, there is no set-in-stone directive on giving forgiveness, and there is no particular forgiveness ritual you need to perform. You just have to be sincere when you give it and be willing to release all the ugliness that may accumulate.
At the end of the day, the only wrong way to forgive is not to forgive at all. Revisit us for tips and information on finances, relationships, and recovery.