Help my marriage

Discussing personal financesAttempting to broach any serious conversation with a loved one can lead to major anxiety depending on the topic at hand. Over the years, it has become more accepted to have frank discussions regarding a litany of subjects that were, at one time, considered too sensitive to approach.

The money discussion seems to have remained the steadfast untouchable topic among some. However, open and honest discussion about money issues with friends and family doesn’t have to be an uncomfortable chore.   Here are some easy-to-follow tips on opening up the lines of communication about money with those nearest and dearest to you.

  1. Start Slow – You may want to ease into the money conversation, especially with regards to older family members who may not be as open to frank money discussions. Maybe bring up a recent news item that is topical and could lead to a deeper discussion about money matters.
  2. Remember You Are Not Alone – Money stress and worries are very common. It may surprise you to find that issues you are grappling with are issues for those you love as well. Finding common ground can help the discussion stay friendly and useful for all involved.
  3. Stay on Point – When discussing something as personal as finances, it can be easy to veer off topic or begin to accuse or object. You may find that breaking the talk up into smaller talks held over a longer period of time is more effective.
  4. Comparison is the Thief of Joy – Try to avoid comparing your financial situation with that of your loved one. We all have our own stories and we may be only receiving one side. Focus on your own situation in the midst of money discussions. If your discussion is one of concern or an attempt to help your loved one, try to remain focused on their current financial fitness and your role as listener.

The goal in any potentially awkward discussion is to remain focused, calm, and reasonable. This is important even in the face of a discussion partner who may not always approach things the same way. If a discussion begins to go “south” it is probably best to take a step back and attempt to address the issue at a later date.   Money discussions do not have to leave a bad taste in anyone’s mouth. If you concentrate on the purpose behind the discussion and the connections you have (and want to maintain) with those involved in the conversation, the result can be win-win for everyone.

How Traditional Male-Female Roles Affect Men After a Divorce

male-female roles affect men after divorceTraditionally, men have been breadwinners while women have taken care of the home. However, nowadays, things are changing within the system. And although it’s rare to find a situation in which the man stays home and looks after the kids while the woman goes out to work, it’s at least become quite common to see both partners working and having careers while they’re also raising children. Still, the fact that men tend to spend more time out of the home affects them when it comes to a divorce.

How Overworking Leads Into a Divorce

First of all, you may often find that overworking is the cause of a divorce. Men feel so much pressure to provide for their partners and children that they push themselves to the point of overworking, thus spending very little time with their families.

The precipitating event which leads into the divorce may be something more dramatic like infidelity but the underlying reason is often that men just don’t spend enough time with their spouses, fulfilling their emotional and physical needs. And, as a result, they may feel that their own physical and emotional needs aren’t being met either.

Both partners are starved for love and affection by the time a divorce comes around. The situation has become so dire that there’s no way to remedy it and a further split becomes necessary.

Feelings of Loneliness After a Divorce

Of course, there’s going to be intense feelings of loneliness after a divorce—something which men may not expect because they’ve lived alone before and they think that they can go back to it in a snap. But the absence of a partner and children, the absence of noise within a home, the absence of family meals no matter how noisy and irritating they seemed earlier is difficult and makes them feel isolated.

The fact is that children usually go with the mother after a divorce; the father only sees them on the weekends. So whereas women might lose the presence of one person in their life, men often lose the presence of more than one.

Practical Adjustments After a Divorce

Men may also have to adjust to a new living situation—possibly a smaller house or apartment than they had before. Additionally, they start realizing that they relied on their spouse to do certain things within the house, such as, possibly, cooking. Often, it’s only after a divorce that they realize how much thought goes into the preparation of a meal. So in addition to an emotional upheaval, men also have to adjust to the practical issues surrounding living alone.

Back to the Basics: Keep Your Relationship Alive

Happy Couple Cooking Together. Dieting. Healthy FoodThere are tons of sources and/or material to read, listen to, and interact with if we ever need help with our relationships. It seems most relationships would last because of this fact. However, the divorce rate continues to increase in our society, while many choose not to enter the union of marriage. Everyone has an opinion on how to make a relationship last, but everyone doesn’t put in the work to make it a reality. Action is way more effective than talking (in some cases) when it comes to our relationships. We just need to go back to the basics so we don’t lose sight of why our relationship is important to us. A few of the basic ways are listed as follows:

  1. Continue dating. Remember how excited it was to go on the first date with your partner. You looked forward to wearing a nice outfit, going to a new place, and just having a new experience together. This is what started the relationship, so it should never end.
  2. Make your home a work-free zone. We spend the majority of our time at work due to the fact that  most of us have 40+ hour work weeks. With that being said, make your home a work-free zone. Make your partner the main focus once you arrive home from work. Too often, we get involved in the details of our day and don’t realize how work carries over into our personal lives and relationship. Try to maintain the work/life balance by always keeping your relationship as the priority.
  3. Get away from it all.If you have a full-time career and kids, you understand how life can just get away from you. It’s important to take a step back and let it all go, for at least 15 minutes or so anyway. Decide what is best for you and your partner and make a choice to check-in daily, weekly, etc. Use this time without interruption from the kids, television, computers, or phones. This check-in time is all about the partnership you have and making an effort to stay connected outside of your daily obligations.
  4. Break the routine. Having a routine is great but it makes for a very boring relationship. Spontaneity can put the spark and desire back into a dull relationship. We are all creatures of habit in some form or another. Make a conscious effort to do things out of your norm. This will also show your partner you can go with the flow of things in order to make them happy.
  5. Never stop communicating.Communication makes a great foundation for a stable relationship. You should always talk openly with your partner because only great relationships exist in the light. Communication allows you and your partner to hold on to the good things, avoid the negative things, and to continue the work to maintain your bond.
  6. Know what makes your partner feel loved. We all give and accept love differently. Although we may  think buying someone a gift is the ultimate sign of love, your partner may feel that spending quality time is the best way. We can’t make our way of loving acceptable to our partner and vice versa. Have a conversation with your partner if you don’t know what makes them feel loved. That in itself could make a world of difference in your relationship.

These are just a few things you can do to make sure your relationship doesn’t fade away. Above all, never give up. Your relationship will last if you make the conscious effort to always try to make it work.

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