How Traditional Male-Female Roles Affect Men After a Divorce
Traditionally, men have been breadwinners while women have taken care of the home. However, nowadays, things are changing within the system. And although it’s rare to find a situation in which the man stays home and looks after the kids while the woman goes out to work, it’s at least become quite common to see both partners working and having careers while they’re also raising children. Still, the fact that men tend to spend more time out of the home affects them when it comes to a divorce.
How Overworking Leads Into a Divorce
First of all, you may often find that overworking is the cause of a divorce. Men feel so much pressure to provide for their partners and children that they push themselves to the point of overworking, thus spending very little time with their families.
The precipitating event which leads into the divorce may be something more dramatic like infidelity but the underlying reason is often that men just don’t spend enough time with their spouses, fulfilling their emotional and physical needs. And, as a result, they may feel that their own physical and emotional needs aren’t being met either.
Both partners are starved for love and affection by the time a divorce comes around. The situation has become so dire that there’s no way to remedy it and a further split becomes necessary.
Feelings of Loneliness After a Divorce
Of course, there’s going to be intense feelings of loneliness after a divorce—something which men may not expect because they’ve lived alone before and they think that they can go back to it in a snap. But the absence of a partner and children, the absence of noise within a home, the absence of family meals no matter how noisy and irritating they seemed earlier is difficult and makes them feel isolated.
The fact is that children usually go with the mother after a divorce; the father only sees them on the weekends. So whereas women might lose the presence of one person in their life, men often lose the presence of more than one.
Practical Adjustments After a Divorce
Men may also have to adjust to a new living situation—possibly a smaller house or apartment than they had before. Additionally, they start realizing that they relied on their spouse to do certain things within the house, such as, possibly, cooking. Often, it’s only after a divorce that they realize how much thought goes into the preparation of a meal. So in addition to an emotional upheaval, men also have to adjust to the practical issues surrounding living alone.
Back to the Basics: Keep Your Relationship Alive
There are tons of sources and/or material to read, listen to, and interact with if we ever need help with our relationships. It seems most relationships would last because of this fact. However, the divorce rate continues to increase in our society, while many choose not to enter the union of marriage. Everyone has an opinion on how to make a relationship last, but everyone doesn’t put in the work to make it a reality. Action is way more effective than talking (in some cases) when it comes to our relationships. We just need to go back to the basics so we don’t lose sight of why our relationship is important to us. A few of the basic ways are listed as follows:
- Continue dating. Remember how excited it was to go on the first date with your partner. You looked forward to wearing a nice outfit, going to a new place, and just having a new experience together. This is what started the relationship, so it should never end.
- Make your home a work-free zone. We spend the majority of our time at work due to the fact that most of us have 40+ hour work weeks. With that being said, make your home a work-free zone. Make your partner the main focus once you arrive home from work. Too often, we get involved in the details of our day and don’t realize how work carries over into our personal lives and relationship. Try to maintain the work/life balance by always keeping your relationship as the priority.
- Get away from it all.If you have a full-time career and kids, you understand how life can just get away from you. It’s important to take a step back and let it all go, for at least 15 minutes or so anyway. Decide what is best for you and your partner and make a choice to check-in daily, weekly, etc. Use this time without interruption from the kids, television, computers, or phones. This check-in time is all about the partnership you have and making an effort to stay connected outside of your daily obligations.
- Break the routine. Having a routine is great but it makes for a very boring relationship. Spontaneity can put the spark and desire back into a dull relationship. We are all creatures of habit in some form or another. Make a conscious effort to do things out of your norm. This will also show your partner you can go with the flow of things in order to make them happy.
- Never stop communicating.Communication makes a great foundation for a stable relationship. You should always talk openly with your partner because only great relationships exist in the light. Communication allows you and your partner to hold on to the good things, avoid the negative things, and to continue the work to maintain your bond.
- Know what makes your partner feel loved. We all give and accept love differently. Although we may think buying someone a gift is the ultimate sign of love, your partner may feel that spending quality time is the best way. We can’t make our way of loving acceptable to our partner and vice versa. Have a conversation with your partner if you don’t know what makes them feel loved. That in itself could make a world of difference in your relationship.
These are just a few things you can do to make sure your relationship doesn’t fade away. Above all, never give up. Your relationship will last if you make the conscious effort to always try to make it work.
How Younger Generations are Changing Marriage and Commitment
The idea of committing to and marrying one person seems to have grown stale. Many people are not as committed to relationships as they were in the past. Marriage rates are down for many reasons, but that doesn’t mean that the younger generations aren’t staying committed to one another. Younger generations are forgoing a lot of what may be deemed a more traditional life progression by not getting married and having kids or delaying those milestones. There are several reasons why these patterns are emerging. Women are not relying on men like they used to, people are filling their time with other activities, and many people think marriage is outdated.
Women are empowered. Women are no longer reliant on getting married to have a man support them. Women are now empowered and making their own living and no longer need to stay in an unhappy relationship because they need to be taken care of. There are still people in committed relationships but they are much pickier about what and who they will settle for. There are so many ways to meet people now and so many dating websites that people aren’t willing to settle. If there is something about their partner that they cannot stand they finding a different partner. People are not as afraid of moving on because something better may be out there, this is a very different mentality from several decades ago.
Satisfaction is coming from other places. People are replacing relationships with other things so they might not feel the need to have a committed relationship. Some people will focus on their careers instead of a relationship and that career goal is satisfying and they don’t feel the need for a committed relationship. They might fill their time with social activities like casual dating, hobbies, exercise, classes, or time with friends.
Marriage is outdated. It is becoming a more popular thought that marriage is outdated. It was necessary when only one person was working they needed it for insurance and that was how people started their families. Now people are not waiting until marriage to start having kids, they can commit to one person and have a family without being married. There is not as much negative stigma associated having children out of wedlock as there once was.
People are getting used to these changes in patterns and they are becoming more commonplace. Commitment is getting a little harder for people with all of the options that are open to them and staying in a committed relationship is going to take more work. While certain things, like marriage, may not be as common people are getting more satisfaction from other things and have higher expectations for relationships. Being in a committed relationship means more now than it did 100 years ago. People are expecting more from their partner and investing more when they finally do decide to commit to one person.