Help my marriage

Physical intimacy is important in a relationship, everyone wants affection! One top complaint from men in relationships is when the physical intimacy takes a nosedive. Unfortunately, when those snuggles and more become non-existent everyone can feel a little left out in the cold. Here are ten tips on how to rekindle the romance!

  1.  You know those little things she asks you to do, but they seem to slip your mind? Like, put your socks in the hamper, or take the trash out? Make a concerted effort to do those things so that she knows you are listening and that you do care about her comfort. No one feels sexy towards the person whose socks they have to pick up.
  2.  Send her sweet and perhaps slightly seductive texts during the day when you are at work. 
  3. Suggest taking a shower together, offer to wash her hair for her while you are in there. How luxurious does it feel to have your hair washed by someone else? Very, and it’s definitely hot. 
  4.  Plan an evening without her input. Hire the babysitter, pick the restaurant and take her to a movie that you know she wants to see at the theater. 
  5.  Run her a bubble bath. Then while she is luxuriating amidst the bubbles, bring in a tray with chocolate covered strawberries and a glass of wine. Do not allow children, pets or phone calls to interrupt her bliss. 
  6.  Rub her feet! Bonus points if you use a yummy scented lotion and extra bonus points if you paint her toenails for her. 
  7.  Write a sweet note and leave it in her car, on her pillow or in the bathroom. 
  8.  Wash her car for her. Bonus points if you do it without a shirt on. 
  9.  Tell her what is attractive about her. Not just “You have a great rack sweetie!”, but tell her what makes her special. “I love the way you laugh, it is so sexy.” is specific to her, not just a general compliment. 
  10.  Ask her what she needs from you, and mean it. Most dead bedrooms come from lack of communication between partners. Both people want to be close, but needs may not be met in other areas, which makes intimacy harder. 

With these ten tips hopefully you will be able to strengthen your bond and heat up the bedroom!

Conflict doesn’t mean that your relationship is in trouble – it means that you are two living, thinking beings with individual opinions. Both happy and unhappy couples disagree – how can any two people share a house, jobs, in-laws, pets or kids without an occasional spat? Everyone disagrees at some point – but when do you know that things are out of hand?

There’s a world of difference between constructive criticism and dirty fighting. With the right tools and mind set, conflict can actually become a path to deeper intimacy – the chance to be seen as you truly are, to accept your partner’s vulnerable and unique self, and to build a strong partnership.

Partnerships and couples need to have discussions, they need to solve problems, and sometimes they need to disagree, but they don’t need to squabble, argue, bicker, or fight. Fights are dramatic, which is not helpful to a discussion. If you have enough energy to create drama, you have more than enough to tone it down into a discussion. Here are a set of guidelines you may find helpful in arguing.

  • Remember the point of the fight is to reach a solution, not to win, be right, or make your partner wrong.
  • Don’t try to mind read. Ask instead what he or she is thinking.
  • Don’t bring up all the prior problems that relate to this one. Leave the past in the past; keep this about one recent problem. Solve one thing at a time.
  • Keep the process simple. State the problem, suggest some alternatives, and choose a solution together.
  • Practice equality. If something is important enough to one of you, it will inevitably be important to both of you, so honor your partner’s need to solve a problem.
  • Ask and Answer questions directly. Again, keep it as simple as possible. Let your partner know you hear him or her.
  • State your problem as a request, not a demand. To make it a positive request, use “I messages” and “please”.

Next time you have an argument, practice some of these guidelines and you will be amazed at how the interaction will change.

The Price of Forgiveness

No one gets through life without being hurt by another person. We all have experienced the pain of a thoughtless remark, gossip, or lie. If you have experienced an unhappy marriage, the devastation of infidelity, or suffered physical or emotional abuse, you know what it feels like to be hurt. It is tempting to hold on to these feelings and build a wall of safety around yourself, but the best way to heal is to forgive the person who hurt you.

But what is forgiveness, really? When you forgive another person, you no longer allow their behavior to cause you anger, pain, bitterness, or resentment. When you choose not to forgive, you make the choice to hold on to your feelings of resentment, anger, and pain.

Think of forgiveness as a gift that you give to yourself. It is not something you do for the person who hurt you. It is a gift to yourself because it enables you to stop feeling painful feelings and pushing others away. Forgiveness frees you from anger and allows you to restore your ability to have close and satisfying relationships with others.

Anger is a poisonous emotion that comes from being hurt. When you are consumed with anger and bitterness, it hurts you at least as much as it hurts the person who has harmed you. It is as if you are filled with poison. If these feelings are not resolved, they can begin to eat you up inside. You have two choices: to stay connected to the person who hurt you by keeping these poisonous feelings alive, or to let the feelings go and forgive the person who harmed you. When you withhold forgiveness, think about who is actually being hurt. It is more than likely that the person who is filled with anger and anxiety is you, not the other person.

Forgiving another does not mean you will never again feel the pain or remember the thing that hurt you. The hurtful experience will be in your memory forever. By forgiving, you are not pretending the hurtful behavior never happened. It did happen. The important thing is to learn from it while letting go of the painful feelings.

Forgiveness is not about right or wrong. It doesn’t mean that the person’s behavior was okay. You are not excusing their behavior or giving permission for the behavior to be repeated or continued.

 

Forgiveness can only take place because we have the ability to make choices. This ability is a gift that we can use it whenever we wish. We have the choice to forgive or not to forgive. No other person can force us to do either.

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