Start your marriage on the right foot: Why combining finances as a couple is so important
You just married the person of your dreams. You are so excited to start your life together! You are so excited to buy the home, and start the family. There’s just one thing you can’t bring your self to do yet. Combine your finances. You know that one of the biggest reasons couples fight is over money. Keeping your finances separate only makes it worse. But how does one get over that hurdle?
A good marriage is built on trust:
It can be tough sharing your money with someone else. The other person has a say in how your paycheck gets spent, and that can be very daunting. However, now you are accountable to someone else. Just like your spouse is accountable to you. You have to trust that your spouse is a responsible spender. If that is not the case a conversation needs to happen soon.
If makes the two of you discuss money:
This may not sound like the most fun of conversations, but it is an important one for a strong marriage. The two of you need to discuss your goals with your money. When do you want to retire? When do you want to buy a house? How much do we need to save up each month to put aside for a down payment? These questions need to be addressed by both of you.
It ensures there are no secrets:
Secrets in a marriage are so destructive. Combining finances helps to put everything out in the open, and eliminates financial secrets. If you combine finances early on in your marriage it helps nip issues in the bud. Gambling or retail therapy issues that need to be resolved. It is better to resolve them early on in the marriage than letting them fester.
One of the top reasons couples fight is money. Let us help you resolve,or prevent those money arguments from happening. Call us today for a quote.
Marriage Counseling: Do Your Paths Converge or Diverge?
No matter how long you have been married, chances are you have a lot invested in your marriage. For most people, the idea of marriage doesn’t occur unless they’re ready for a commitment, a lifelong partner and possibly even children.
This is why most of us take our time getting married unlike our parents or grandparents. You just don’t meet people who tell you that the first time they saw their spouse-to-be, they thought, “I’m going to marry that girl/boy.” Wouldn’t it be great if things were that simple for all of us nowadays?
Things People Think About Before Getting Married
Before getting hitched, most of us have to think about our financial situation, where we are in our career, where the other person is in their career, whether either or both want children, whether any relocation will be necessary etc.
Aside from physical attraction, we have to consider whether there are any common interests, whether one person is a homebody while the other is outgoing, whether the two people are going to have time to spend with each other given their schedules etc.
It’s a lot to consider, which is why most of us take our time and often try out living together before popping the question.
Why You Should Fight for Your Marriage
Given all the thought that you’ve probably put into whether or not you should get married, it’s safe to assume that you wouldn’t want things to end just because one aspect of the marriage doesn’t work out.
There are, of course, times when it doesn’t seem like a marriage is meant to last e.g., if the issues that the couple disagree on are serious, such as whether or not to have children.
It’s only when it seems like you and your partner are on completely different paths that you might want to give up and focus on where you’re going. In all other cases, why not try marriage counseling?
5 Tips for Trusting After an Unhealthy Relationship
If you have experienced unhealthy relationships in your life, it can be difficult to trust – not just a significant other but also your own judgement. This can stem back to childhood, if you lived in a home where you experienced domestic violence. If you are an adult survivor, it can connect to that as well.
Not all relationships are unhealthy, so how do you rebuild your ability to trust after surviving such experiences? There is no exact formula, but there are several steps we can take to help us trust.
- Be honest with yourself and your partner. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. You need to have compassion for yourself. Being honest with your partner is difficult if you’ve experienced unhealthy relationships, but your partner deserves that honesty.
- Seek help from trained professionals. There is no shame in scheduling an appointment with a therapist. Let the therapist help you tackle issues of distrust. They have a clinical, outside perspective that can aid you along in your process of trust.
- Write about your issues. Writing is cathartic and therapeutic. By slowing yourself down to really focus on issues such as trust, you can work through them.
- Listen to your heart and mind. Ask yourself, am I not trusting my partner because of my own trust issues? Or is something funky going on that I need to be concerned about? Learning to trust your heart and mind can help you help yourself.
- Feel the pain. We don’t go to bed one night and wake up healed. It’s a process. Hiding the pain inside is like hiding the problem. You can’t grapple with it, working through it for a better future without acknowledging what hurts.
It’s important to trust yourself and your partner. You deserve a happy future with someone you love. You also deserve to love yourself. So, practice trusting and give yourself a little compassion.