How Traditional Male-Female Roles Affect Men After a Divorce
Traditionally, men have been breadwinners while women have taken care of the home. However, nowadays, things are changing within the system. And although it’s rare to find a situation in which the man stays home and looks after the kids while the woman goes out to work, it’s at least become quite common to see both partners working and having careers while they’re also raising children. Still, the fact that men tend to spend more time out of the home affects them when it comes to a divorce.
How Overworking Leads Into a Divorce
First of all, you may often find that overworking is the cause of a divorce. Men feel so much pressure to provide for their partners and children that they push themselves to the point of overworking, thus spending very little time with their families.
The precipitating event which leads into the divorce may be something more dramatic like infidelity but the underlying reason is often that men just don’t spend enough time with their spouses, fulfilling their emotional and physical needs. And, as a result, they may feel that their own physical and emotional needs aren’t being met either.
Both partners are starved for love and affection by the time a divorce comes around. The situation has become so dire that there’s no way to remedy it and a further split becomes necessary.
Feelings of Loneliness After a Divorce
Of course, there’s going to be intense feelings of loneliness after a divorce—something which men may not expect because they’ve lived alone before and they think that they can go back to it in a snap. But the absence of a partner and children, the absence of noise within a home, the absence of family meals no matter how noisy and irritating they seemed earlier is difficult and makes them feel isolated.
The fact is that children usually go with the mother after a divorce; the father only sees them on the weekends. So whereas women might lose the presence of one person in their life, men often lose the presence of more than one.
Practical Adjustments After a Divorce
Men may also have to adjust to a new living situation—possibly a smaller house or apartment than they had before. Additionally, they start realizing that they relied on their spouse to do certain things within the house, such as, possibly, cooking. Often, it’s only after a divorce that they realize how much thought goes into the preparation of a meal. So in addition to an emotional upheaval, men also have to adjust to the practical issues surrounding living alone.
Is There a Wrong Way to Forgive?
Forgiveness is a touchy topic that we all hear about at different times in our lives. It’s biblical, philosophical, psychological and just plain good for the soul. Everyone knows that we’re supposed to forgive, but what about how to forgive? Is there a wrong way to give your forgiveness to someone? We can answer that question by discussing three other questions.
1. What Is Forgiveness?
The definition of forgiveness is the spiritual or emotional release of another person’s wrongdoing. When you forgive someone, you let go of any anger or resentment you have about the deed. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you forget. It just means that you are willing to release the negative feelings associated with the act that hurt you.
2. Who Is Forgiveness For?
Forgiveness does not belong to the person who committed the wrong unless that person specifically asks for it. It’s usually for the victim or the one who is forgiving. It benefits that person because it releases him or her from poisonous feelings and emotions.
3. What Does Forgiveness Do?
Forgiveness sets the hurt person free. Therefore, you can take power over your life back if you forgive someone. Reclaiming your control is a huge step. It completely separates you from the pain and allows you to live a healthy life that does not involve the shackles of bitterness.
It doesn’t matter how you forgive because you’re not doing it for the other person. You’re doing it for yourself. Furthermore, there is no set-in-stone directive on giving forgiveness, and there is no particular forgiveness ritual you need to perform. You just have to be sincere when you give it and be willing to release all the ugliness that may accumulate.
At the end of the day, the only wrong way to forgive is not to forgive at all. Revisit us for tips and information on finances, relationships, and recovery.
Core Values and the Key to Communication in Relationships
So much has been said about the importance of communication in relationships. Whole books have been written about it, including the well-known Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. And still, the distance between Mars and Venus continues. No one knows how to heal the rift.
And the worst thing is that once there is a miscommunication, it quickly snowballs into more and more miscommunication until you’re having a full-blown fight. If this describes you and your partner, here are some questions you might want to ask yourself:
Do You Have the Same Core Values?
Sometimes, the problem is not really a lack of communication but certain essential differences between people. One person might believe in the joys of having children while the other might think of children as unnecessary baggage. One person might not think too much about sex before marriage while the other person might believe in celibacy.
These are core beliefs which are very hard to alter and you need to think about whether you can live with them. In the case of celibacy, the problem is solved after getting married. But in the case of children, it’s something you might have to live with for the rest of your life. So think about whether it’s a problem of miscommunication or whether it’s really a difference in core beliefs.
Have You Done Everything You Can?
The truth is that everyone knows the secret of good communication. If you look back at all your good relationships, what do they have in common? A willingness to listen? Respecting the other person’s boundaries? General kindness? Praise and encouragement? No matter how you put it, the end result is the same—getting along, having a good time, having fun etc.
You need to seriously ask yourself whether you’re doing these things in your relationship now. Most people find that the key to good communication is in their hands; they just have to use it.