Marriage counseling

How trust can affect a health relationship

trust in a relationshipAs you know, trust is vital to any healthy romantic relationship. Still, it can be difficult to trust. There are many reasons we may distrust our significant other, including the reality that they may have betrayed our trust.

That said, our own life experiences impact our own views on trust as well. Here are three experiences that may impact us:

  1. Self-esteem issues. Many of us struggle with managing our self-esteem, which can come from a variety of experiences. For example, if we experienced social rejection as a child/teen, were betrayed and/or abandoned by someone we love, or experienced bullying, we may feel like we don’t deserve love. That makes it easy for mistrust to infiltrate relationships as adults. Early life experiences play a significant role in our development.
  2. Abuse. Trusting a significant other after being in an abusive relationship is difficult. Living in an abusive household as a child can make it difficult to trust as well. This impacts our belief in the central goodness and trustworthiness of others. As in issues with self-esteem, mistrust takes root.
  3. Previous infidelity. When you have been cheated on, it is easy to start seeing betrayal around every corner. Even once you have moved on from that unhealthy relationship, little nagging thoughts can begin to sneak in, undermining your faith.

One of the healthiest steps you can take to handle issues of mistrust is to have a conversation with your significant other. Let them know if you are struggling due to previous experiences. A loving partner in a healthy relationship will support you and ask how to help. This may mean seeing a therapist, volunteering, attending self-esteem workshops, or finding other ways to strengthen your relationship. Indeed, this can help you to trust your partner and move you towards a happy, fulfilled life together!

Marriage Best Practice: Spending Time Apart

Time Apart - good relationship practiceYour honey is your best friend. You enjoy spending time together, doing activities, hanging out, and eating food. Sometimes, though, you feel the need to do something – anything – alone or separately.

That’s normal…and completely okay. Healthy relationships require time apart. That’s why spending time apart from your honey is a best practice for healthy marriages.

First, none of us are carbon copies of our significant others. We have interests the other doesn’t have, and making your honey participate in things he/she doesn’t like all the time is exhausting for both of you. Instead, spending time with a friend who enjoys the same activity (such as hiking, gaming, poker, book club, etc.) allows you to enjoy the activity without worrying about your significant other.

Second, alone time is often underrated, but it helps you to refuel your soul. Some people need more alone time than others. Still, we all need it to some extent. Having alone time helps us to re-focus and de-stress, which helps us handle conflict better. In other words, your honey can’t be with you for you to have alone time!

Third, we have different people in our lives for different reasons. When we are upset, excited, angry – whatever it is – we know what we need from others. If someone doesn’t react how we need, it causes distress. As much as we love our significant others, they don’t always respond how we need in a particular moment. Rather than fight about it, or feel worse because you didn’t get what you needed, spend time with a friend who meets that need.

Finally, absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you spend a day with your friend doing something you love (but your honey hates), you’ll come home refreshed and missing him/her. They will have missed you too. You can tell each other about your day, feeling happy to be together and more in love than ever.

So, go forth and spend time away from your significant other without a guilty conscience. It’ll benefit your relationship, and you’ll thrive together!

Couple’s Financial Planning

Financial College Saving PlanAlthough saving for baby is a good idea, it can also feel like a big task. However, with a little determination and a little help along the way, you will be sure that your little ones are cared for far into the financial future. Below is information about The College Life Grow Up Plan from Gerber, which is a good example of the kinds of savings accounts and plans available to make couple’s financial planning and saving money for those college bills easier down the road.

There are various products out there that allow you to save for college, obtain life insurance, and set aside some money for the future of your kids. The Gerber Life College Plan is great because it is a secure and flexible way to save for your baby. The plan features:

  • A secure way to save money that is free from market fluctuations.
  • Unlike more traditional plans like the 529 plan or educational IRAs, the grow up plan is flexible and allows you to use the money for college, or anything else!
  • Coverage doubles when the policy matures at age 18, 19, or 20 years of age, as long as premiums are always paid.
  • Life insurance is also included and paid in full upon death of the policy holder.
  • The policy has a guaranteed payout upon maturity of $10-20,000 or the option to continue coverage.

College FundThe Gerber Life College Plan is unique, but there are more plans out there that include savings for college and life insurance, or a combination, that will fit your family’s needs. The most important thing here is that you are getting peace of mind. Knowing that there is money tucked away is a great factor in feeling sound and secure. Reap the rewards of your hard work by setting aside money for the kids – it’s the best thing you can do for them and for you.

The important thing is that you are saving for the future of your baby. You could use a regular savings account or even a plain old shoe box stuffed with bills in the closet and you would be doing the right thing. The Gerber Life College Plan is one of many that offer great ways to save for college or just about anything. Remember to pat yourself on the back for taking this big step. Consider the help of a financial therapist to discuss your concerns with money and couple’s financial planning.

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