Relationship advice

Attraction_factorThere’s a spring in Katie’s step, and she simply radiates positive, upbeat, can-do energy. She’s “in the flow.” Good things continue to happen in her work and personal life with seeming effortlessness.

Contrast this with Courtney, who puts in twice as many hours at work-super-long, hard hours every day-yet rarely achieves what she’s striving so hard to create.

What’s the difference? Hint: It has to do with Katie’s ability to attract what she wants. However, this kind of attraction has nothing to do with looks. Rather, it’s about Katie’s ability to attract abundance by living in a way that’s in tune with her purpose, her passions, her most vital and alive self.

The law of attraction. Its not just some woo-woo theory, it’s scientific: like matter attracts like. It’s similar to a radio broadcast: when tuned into a particular station, you will only hear (attract) the frequency of radio waves that match that station’s signal. And when that happens, everything seems easy, not a struggle.

“Once you change the way you are inside, the outer world changes,” writes Joe Vitale, author of the The Attractor Factor.  Vitale is one of dozens of authors who write persuasively on the subject, including Jack Canfield, Esther and Jerry Hicks and Michael Losier.

Here are some steps to get you on the right track with the law of attraction:

  • Get clear on what you want and why. It’s not enough to know what you don’t want. You can’t get what you want until you know what that is! Getting crystal clear is where the “magic” of attraction all begins.
  • Imagine it. See it as happening. “Conscious change is brought about by the two qualities inherent in consciousness: attention and intention,” writes Deepak Chopra. “Attention energizes, and intention transforms. Whatever you put your attention on will grow stronger in your life.”
  • Keep yourself receptive. Exercise, eat healthy, play, relax. Stress, exhaustion, sluggishness, etc., can all interfere with attraction. In the radio station analogy, they become the “static” that interfere with the “frequencies” of that which you want to attract. Though taking a day off to relax rather than working frantically may seem as difficult as stepping off a precipice, it can be just what is needed.
  • Listen to your intuitive nudges. Attraction isn’t about sitting back and waiting for it all to come to you. Action is always required to meet goals and make dreams come true. Vitale writes: “Your job is to ask for what you want, and then to act on the inner nudges you get to do things, like make phone calls, write letters, visit a certain person, or whatever.” Don’t worry if your “nudges” don’t make immediate sense. The “why” will reveal itself later.
  • Surrender control. This means to let go and trust. Let go of the particular way in which things will happen. Let go of fear, doubt, worry and disappointment. Let go of the notion of struggle. Trust that the outcome will be just right.

So whether it’s a job promotion, landing that huge client or buying a new house, claim your dream. It’s yours if you want it. Now, go out and attract it!

 

financial_infidelity_AFCThe word “infidelity” is pretty common these days, with examples daily in the news.  Celebrities, neighbors and friends all have a story to tell about how they have been betrayed by their partner’s sexual indiscretions.  Usually we think about infidelity as sexual or emotional betrayal, being lied to and deceived by a partner in the worst way that we can imagine. But there’s another type of infidelity that is becoming more common, and that is of financial infidelity. This type of cheating pushes at the hot button for many relationships and marriages- that of money and finances. 

Financial infidelity is defined as being dishonest with your partner, either blatantly or by omission, about what you have done with the family finances. Examples are running up credit cards into the thousands, forging a partner’s signature to open a new loan or credit line, hiding large debts or financial obligations, all without your partner’s knowledge or consent. Being dishonest about money is a form of cheating, just like sexual or emotional cheating, because you have lied and broken your partner’s trust in the relationship. Just like sexual cheating, financial infidelity can be devastating to the relationship. A loss of intimacy, loss of trust, or loss of hope for the future is all common feelings and reactions when this type of behavior happens.

Now, some of you may think that a few little lies about money can’t hurt anyone, right? Fudging a little about how much you spent for that last pair of shoes or that great new fishing rod can’t be harmful.  Well, there are lies and then there are LIES. While it may be true that a lie of $20 dollars may not be harmful, racking up $5000 dollars without discussing it with your partner ahead of time could be very harmful. In a recent Redbook survey, 96% of couples thought that it was their partner’s responsibility to be open and honest about finances.  So, is it okay to lie about a small purchase that you made? Telling a lie, ANY lie, is a trust eroding behavior.  As with any behavior, starting with a little bit of a lie can turn quickly into a big lie. And the person telling the lie doesn’t feel very good either.

So, what can a couple that has experienced financial infidelity do to begin rebuilding the relationship? The steps involved are similar to any other betrayal and how to trust again.

Be transparent. The first step in rebuilding trust involves both partners being fully accountable for their actions when it comes to finances. This means giving one another information about, as well as access to, all financial records, such as credit card statements, bank accounts, loans, etc.  Information like this may be extremely uncomfortable to disclose, but it is crucial to begin repairing the financial damage that has been done, it also demonstrates an openness that is necessary if trust is to be rebuilt.

Work together to create a financial recovery plan. This is extremely important- especially when the financial cheating has affected the both of you, and your credit. Working together to create a recovery plan helps to build trust, and to begin accountability with each other. Your plan might include steps for repaying the debt, creating a budget, and working with a credit counseling agency.

Compromise. It is not possible for both people in a relationship to always get their way when it comes to money. You and your partner both have valid points of view about spending, saving and investing that you both need to acknowledge. Try to understand your partner’s particular financial style and be willing to meet in the middle. This will allow both of you to get at least some of what you want which, in turn, will lead to greater trust in one another.

 

Remember, it takes time to rebuilding trust between you and your partner. Rebuilding trust is a process that will occur gradually over time as you both follow these positive steps. Consistency is everything, so make time to sit down with your partner on a regular basis to talk about how things are going and re-evaluate your financial goals. You will be amazed at the progress that is being made.

Media Contact:

Kelly Chisholm
President of Albuquerque Family Counseling
(505)-974-0104
kellychis1@gmail.com

 Albuquerque Family Counseling sponsors National Marriage Week

ALBUQUERQUE, NM. – Albuquerque Family Counseling is getting involved with the well-known campaign, National Marriage Week USA. Every year, Marriage Week is promoted in various parts of the world from February 7-14.

In honor of this movement, Albuquerque Family Counseling is building an online campaign that offers incentives through local businesses in the NM area, in hopes to emphasize the importance of putting effort toward every marriage.

Prizes will be offered from the following local businesses:

  • Acequia Vineyards and Winery
  • All Things Boudoir
  • Enlighten Wellness Center

Albuquerque Family Counseling is initiating their involvement on their Facebook page, Albuquerque Family Counseling: @abqfamilycounseling. By visiting the Facebook page and participating in their posts the week of the national campaign, all viewers will have multiple chances to win a variety of prizes.

About ALBUQUERQUE FAMILY COUNSELING:

Albuquerque Family Counseling is a private practice specializing in couples and relationship counseling and coaching. With over 50 years of experience, Albuquerque Family Counseling is dedicated to continual training and development to bring the most current, proven, and effective methods to each client. All specialists have received training with the best-known relationship experts and programs in the country- Gottman, Imago, Emotion Focused Therapy, and Divorce Busting. Albuquerque Family Counseling has a 100-percent approval and referral rating from former clients.

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$299 for 4 sessions (Regularly $400) or individual session $79