Infidelity, Relationship Patterns and Trusting Your Partner
Infidelity is one of the hardest things to get over in a relationship. Once you start to think of the other person as untrustworthy, it’s difficult to continue a relationship with them no matter how much they might still want to be with you.
There are certain times when a divorce might seem like the best idea. But there are other times when working on the marriage might seem better. Here are a few questions you might want to ask yourself before you make a decision:
How Solid Was Your Relationship Before the Infidelity?
Many people blame infidelity for their breakups but they fail to consider what the relationship was like before the infidelity occurred. Did the two of you spend a lot of time together? Did you have fun on your date nights? Did you have a good sex life?
The fact that a relationship wasn’t doing well doesn’t excuse infidelity but at least it serves to explain it. And if you do decide to continue to be with that person, then the two of you will need to work on your relationship together.
Do You Have a Relationship Pattern of Infidelity?
Every one of us has a pattern in relationships. Some of us are searching for the love we didn’t receive from our parents. Others are looking for someone to save. And some of us tend to fall for people who are in love with someone else or who are not totally committed to us. We get a high from competing for that person’s love. This could be because, as children, we competed with our siblings for the love of our parents.
Of course, it’s very difficult to spot when you’re in a pattern like this. But if you’ve been in a string of relationships where infidelity has been a problem, then you need to ask yourself why you’re falling for these people. Do you unknowingly reject candidates who seem faithful and trustworthy? Spotting a pattern is the first step towards getting out of it.
Call us today to help you break the pattern.
5 Tips for Trusting After an Unhealthy Relationship
If you have experienced unhealthy relationships in your life, it can be difficult to trust – not just a significant other but also your own judgement. This can stem back to childhood, if you lived in a home where you experienced domestic violence. If you are an adult survivor, it can connect to that as well.
Not all relationships are unhealthy, so how do you rebuild your ability to trust after surviving such experiences? There is no exact formula, but there are several steps we can take to help us trust.
- Be honest with yourself and your partner. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. You need to have compassion for yourself. Being honest with your partner is difficult if you’ve experienced unhealthy relationships, but your partner deserves that honesty.
- Seek help from trained professionals. There is no shame in scheduling an appointment with a therapist. Let the therapist help you tackle issues of distrust. They have a clinical, outside perspective that can aid you along in your process of trust.
- Write about your issues. Writing is cathartic and therapeutic. By slowing yourself down to really focus on issues such as trust, you can work through them.
- Listen to your heart and mind. Ask yourself, am I not trusting my partner because of my own trust issues? Or is something funky going on that I need to be concerned about? Learning to trust your heart and mind can help you help yourself.
- Feel the pain. We don’t go to bed one night and wake up healed. It’s a process. Hiding the pain inside is like hiding the problem. You can’t grapple with it, working through it for a better future without acknowledging what hurts.
It’s important to trust yourself and your partner. You deserve a happy future with someone you love. You also deserve to love yourself. So, practice trusting and give yourself a little compassion.
How trust can affect a health relationship
As you know, trust is vital to any healthy romantic relationship. Still, it can be difficult to trust. There are many reasons we may distrust our significant other, including the reality that they may have betrayed our trust.
That said, our own life experiences impact our own views on trust as well. Here are three experiences that may impact us:
- Self-esteem issues. Many of us struggle with managing our self-esteem, which can come from a variety of experiences. For example, if we experienced social rejection as a child/teen, were betrayed and/or abandoned by someone we love, or experienced bullying, we may feel like we don’t deserve love. That makes it easy for mistrust to infiltrate relationships as adults. Early life experiences play a significant role in our development.
- Abuse. Trusting a significant other after being in an abusive relationship is difficult. Living in an abusive household as a child can make it difficult to trust as well. This impacts our belief in the central goodness and trustworthiness of others. As in issues with self-esteem, mistrust takes root.
- Previous infidelity. When you have been cheated on, it is easy to start seeing betrayal around every corner. Even once you have moved on from that unhealthy relationship, little nagging thoughts can begin to sneak in, undermining your faith.
One of the healthiest steps you can take to handle issues of mistrust is to have a conversation with your significant other. Let them know if you are struggling due to previous experiences. A loving partner in a healthy relationship will support you and ask how to help. This may mean seeing a therapist, volunteering, attending self-esteem workshops, or finding other ways to strengthen your relationship. Indeed, this can help you to trust your partner and move you towards a happy, fulfilled life together!