Relationship counseling

Discussing personal financesAttempting to broach any serious conversation with a loved one can lead to major anxiety depending on the topic at hand. Over the years, it has become more accepted to have frank discussions regarding a litany of subjects that were, at one time, considered too sensitive to approach.

The money discussion seems to have remained the steadfast untouchable topic among some. However, open and honest discussion about money issues with friends and family doesn’t have to be an uncomfortable chore.   Here are some easy-to-follow tips on opening up the lines of communication about money with those nearest and dearest to you.

  1. Start Slow – You may want to ease into the money conversation, especially with regards to older family members who may not be as open to frank money discussions. Maybe bring up a recent news item that is topical and could lead to a deeper discussion about money matters.
  2. Remember You Are Not Alone – Money stress and worries are very common. It may surprise you to find that issues you are grappling with are issues for those you love as well. Finding common ground can help the discussion stay friendly and useful for all involved.
  3. Stay on Point – When discussing something as personal as finances, it can be easy to veer off topic or begin to accuse or object. You may find that breaking the talk up into smaller talks held over a longer period of time is more effective.
  4. Comparison is the Thief of Joy – Try to avoid comparing your financial situation with that of your loved one. We all have our own stories and we may be only receiving one side. Focus on your own situation in the midst of money discussions. If your discussion is one of concern or an attempt to help your loved one, try to remain focused on their current financial fitness and your role as listener.

The goal in any potentially awkward discussion is to remain focused, calm, and reasonable. This is important even in the face of a discussion partner who may not always approach things the same way. If a discussion begins to go “south” it is probably best to take a step back and attempt to address the issue at a later date.   Money discussions do not have to leave a bad taste in anyone’s mouth. If you concentrate on the purpose behind the discussion and the connections you have (and want to maintain) with those involved in the conversation, the result can be win-win for everyone.

Putting Your Spouse First: Best Practices for a Successful Marriage

 

Successful MarriageLet’s preface this topic with some quick facts – yes babies need a LOT of attention, and yes normally young children will need your attention and your focus and your energy much more than your spouse because you are teaching them how to be fully functioning human beings. And yes your time and energy will be spent on your children because they need you to survive while they are young. But once you have children the best way to keep your family close and your marriage strong is by striving to put your spouse first. This does not mean you are putting your spouse first because you are selfish or a terrible parent, you put your spouse first FOR your children, your family, and your marriage.

Why should you put your spouse first? Here are some reasons your marriage will benefit by putting each other first:

A Lasting Marriage

According to success.com, “If you want your marriage to last your lifetime, give it the attention and effort it deserves. Your kids will live with you for just two short decades. Putting your marriage on cruise control for 20 years, while you focus on your kids is like falling asleep at the wheel – deadly.” Your children are only with you for a few short years, if you want a lasting marriage then take time to appreciate and love the person who will be with you the longest. You do not get to choose your extended family – mothers, sisters, aunts, nephews, etc. You do not get to choose who your children will turn out to be, the only person you truly choose to love is your spouse. Create a lasting marriage by putting your spouse first.

Happy and Healthy Children

You are your children’s first and most effective teacher – they will base many of their ideas of love and marriage on the example that you give. Your children will feel safe, happy when they have two parents who work together as a team and act like their spouse is their favorite person. Showing a healthy marriage where two people care about each other above all else is one of the best things you can do for your children. According to huffingtonpost.com, “I view my investment in my relationship with my spouse as one that is beneficial to our family as a whole.”

Lasting Romance

Putting your spouse first, caring for their needs, loving them, and being aware of their thoughts and feelings is a fantastic way to care for a lasting romance. Your children will eventually leave, but your spouse will be with you if you take the time to create that lasting relationship.

Here are some reasons – centered on children – for why you should put your spouse first:

Self-Centered Children

Putting your children first, instead of your spouse, gives your children an unrealistic view of the world in which they are the center of attention. In an article by physician Danielle Teller, titled “How American parenting is killing the American marriage,” she said, “Children who are raised to believe that they are the center of the universe have a tough time when their special status erodes as they approach adulthood. Most troubling of all, couples who live entirely child-centric lives can lose touch with one another to the point where they have nothing left to say to one another when the kids leave home.”

Children Who Blame Themselves

If you put your children first and your marriage suffers because of it, your children may start to blame themselves for your unhappiness. According to psychologytoday.com, “Unhappy and unfulfilled parents can lead their kids to conclude that marriage makes people unhappy, or if the focus of their discord centers on child-rearing differences, that they are the source of their parents’ unhappiness.”

It benefits you, your spouse, your marriage, your children, and your whole family when you put your spouse first.

Is There a Wrong Way to Forgive?

ForgivenessForgiveness is a touchy topic that we all hear about at different times in our lives. It’s biblical, philosophical, psychological and just plain good for the soul. Everyone knows that we’re supposed to forgive, but what about how to forgive? Is there a wrong way to give your forgiveness to someone? We can answer that question by discussing three other questions.

1. What Is Forgiveness?

The definition of forgiveness is the spiritual or emotional release of another person’s wrongdoing. When you forgive someone, you let go of any anger or resentment you have about the deed. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you forget. It just means that you are willing to release the negative feelings associated with the act that hurt you.

2. Who Is Forgiveness For?

Forgiveness does not belong to the person who committed the wrong unless that person specifically asks for it. It’s usually for the victim or the one who is forgiving. It benefits that person because it releases him or her from poisonous feelings and emotions.

3. What Does Forgiveness Do?

Forgiveness sets the hurt person free. Therefore, you can take power over your life back if you forgive someone. Reclaiming your control is a huge step. It completely separates you from the pain and allows you to live a healthy life that does not involve the shackles of bitterness.

It doesn’t matter how you forgive because you’re not doing it for the other person. You’re doing it for yourself. Furthermore, there is no set-in-stone directive on giving forgiveness, and there is no particular forgiveness ritual you need to perform. You just have to be sincere when you give it and be willing to release all the ugliness that may accumulate.

At the end of the day, the only wrong way to forgive is not to forgive at all. Revisit us for tips and information on finances, relationships, and recovery.

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