Relationship help

Getting Serious? Be Sure to Discuss These 5 Topics Before Taking the Leap

Dating in a “swipe right” world is much different than how your parents dated. Courtship has evolved into speed dating, dating apps, and inflated profiles. The good news is one aspect of dating hasn’t changed. Discussing life-changing deal breakers before making ultimate commitments is still a best practice. If you find yourself in a semi-serious relationship and are contemplating a commitment, be sure to address these common social topics, and their financial implications before moving forward.

Having Children

Wanting or not wanting children can make or break a relationship instantly. Know your preferences and don’t be afraid to engage in this conversation. Whether or not to have children can be a dynamic, life-changing decision. It also comes with a financial commitment of child-rearing costs, daycare, and tuitions. Make sure your partner shares your views.

Where to Live

If you’ve dreamt of country living and imagine yourself raising a family in a rural setting, you need to share this with your partner to make sure you’re not committing to someone who feels just as strongly about living in the city. Where you plan to establish your family will also have financial implications. Be sure to discuss your expectations so you can prepare together how best to manage the cost of living in your dream location.

Religious Beliefs

We often avoid discussing religion when we’re starting off a new relationship. However, if you’re considering a long-term commitment, it’s probably best to have these discussions. Aligning your moral compass with someone may be simple but adhering to a series of spiritual requirements or adopting a new faith altogether might be a deal breaker. Be candid and honest about what you expect. Religion can play a part in every aspect of life together including ceremonies, child-rearing, and obligations.

Division of Finances

Be clear about your spending decisions, setting up finances and investments. If you’re adamant about maintaining your own accounts, discuss it with your partner. Maybe you both agree to make all of these financial decisions together and jointly. Don’t be afraid to discuss credit scores, outstanding debts and plans for long-term savings. The more you’re able to address up front, the easier the transition will be into a committed partnership.

Career Goals

Maybe your dream is to be an entrepreneur. Maybe you want to climb the corporate ladder with your firm. Maybe you don’t want to work at all. Talking about your career goals and understanding your partner’s career goals can uncover potential deal breakers. Career choices will also directly affect your income as a household.

Disagreeing on any of these topics doesn’t necessarily constitute a breakup. It will, however, be a good indicator of shared beliefs and relationship compromise. Stick to your guns on those most important to you, but don’t be afraid to negotiate others. Compromising and settling are very different. Be willing to compromise, but don’t settle for someone who challenges your core beliefs. Discussing these before walking down the aisle can help eliminate a lifetime of resentment or costly separation later.

communicating couplesMind games can be complicated, and they can ruin good communication patterns. If your spouse seems to be implying two contradictory things at once, you may need some outside help to get your relationship back on track.

First, give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. If the issue at hand isn’t urgent, then let it go. Maybe your spouse is going through a rough spot in life, and his communication became unusually mixed-up. Allow some time to pass before confronting your spouse on the issue again. Chances are, given time, the mind games will disappear and you can move forward normally.

But if they don’t, don’t despair. You are not going crazy, and this is not your fault. Believe in your own sanity and seek outside help. Do you have a friend you can trust to be fair? Ask her opinion. Can someone else talk to your spouse about the issue? Try that. Gentle, non-combative ways of confronting your spouse are possible. Let him know that you don’t understand, and you don’t appreciate the mixed messages.

Mind games can seriously frustrate a good relationship, but relationships are worth working on. Take it slow, and wisely move forward to untangle the knots.

7 Ways to Self-Care Through the Breakup Blues

Self-care through the Breakup BluesThe shock and the mere hint of rejection can make you feel like you got hit by a train after a breakup. However, you can make a complete 360-degree recovery with an effective self-care plan. These are seven quick tips that can get you inflated and smiling again in no time:

1. Embrace the Grief Stages

Grief is normal. Everyone who loses something or someone significant goes through it. Accepting this concept and working through the stages naturally will help you survive your breakup.

2. Remember It Isn’t Personal

Many people fall into depression because they keep wondering what was wrong with them that made the breakup occur. Very rarely is a breakup one person’s fault. Sometimes the reason is that you just weren’t a good match. The perfect flame is out there for every bad match, so don’t beat yourself up over the loss.

3. Get to Know Yourself

The post-breakup period is a perfect time to spend time with yourself and get to know you. You will learn information about yourself that you never had time to learn when you were engulfed in a relationship.

4. Accomplish Something Great

Have you ever wanted to take music lessons, write a novel, or reinvent the wheel? Now is the time to do that and have fun doing it, too. Go do the one thing that you always dreamed about but never had the time to pursue.

5. Pamper Yourself

Give yourself all the love and care that you feel that you didn’t get from the relationship. Eat delicious ice cream. Get a manicure. Take a cruise around the world. This is your time to be loved even if it’s only by yourself. Self-love is some of the most spirit-lifting love you can get.

6. Hang With Supportive Friends

You should always make a point to surround yourself with supporters like friends and family members. This is especially important when you’re in the depressive stage of grief. Reserve a night of the week for activities like bowling, shopping sprees, or group movies. Try not to discuss the breakup unless you need some more advice.

7. Bless Yourself With Therapy

Schedule an appointment with a therapist so that you can have another person in your life who will support you and steer you in the right direction. The services that you can get from a therapist can be quite comforting and empowering if you choose the right one.

We offer therapeutic services for post-breakup clients. We also provide help with finances, divorces, and family issues. Contact us for a consultation to see if we can be a positive force in your journey of recovery.

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