Best Practices for a Marriage: Honesty, Trust, and Loyalty
Let’s pretend you’re in a marriage, and it’s on the rocks. Have you evaluated why? I’m not talking about the fights or little white lies here; I mean have you sought after the root of the problem? When honesty, trust, and loyalty are lacking, you can bet that the root of the problem lays in issues with communication and a lack of unwavering faith in your spouse. Are you both supportive, gracious, and kind to one another? If not, there may be some work ahead of you.
Telling the truth isn’t hard, and it’s important that both you and your partner are on the same page on this one. Be honest about your past and about your intentions. You don’t have to reveal your deepest darkest secrets, but don’t leave out some of the juicy details. Learning about one another occurs over the period of years and decades, show them who you truly are by being up front. They will appreciate the honesty and hopefully give it to you in return. Couples can be brutally honest and still remain polite.
Building upon honesty we have trust. Trust not only means that you know that honesty is present, but also that you trust you partner’s judgement and ultimately would put your life in their hands. Deep trust is developed over time and only occurs when both people feel safe and supported by the other. Also have trust in the relationship itself. Know and have faith that things will work out; through thick and thin. Remember those wedding vows? Stick by your beau through the hard times and the good times will come.
This one is a bit of a kicker. You’ve got honesty and trust but do you have loyalty? Someone who sticks by your side and supports you unconditionally. Being true to someone goes well beyond being faithful in the bedroom. Loyalty means going above and beyond for your love day after day, year after year. Loyalty is by some standards the single most important quality in a relationship or marriage.
A flailing marriage doesn’t have to be the end. Work on learning each other’s language; that is learning to communicate in a mutual way. Don’t interrupt, be respectful, and always stay calm when talking it out. Be the best you can be and see the results of your hard work. You will be surprised at the improvement in your marriage with attention placed on honesty, trust, and loyalty.
Infidelity, Relationship Patterns and Trusting Your Partner
Infidelity is one of the hardest things to get over in a relationship. Once you start to think of the other person as untrustworthy, it’s difficult to continue a relationship with them no matter how much they might still want to be with you.
There are certain times when a divorce might seem like the best idea. But there are other times when working on the marriage might seem better. Here are a few questions you might want to ask yourself before you make a decision:
How Solid Was Your Relationship Before the Infidelity?
Many people blame infidelity for their breakups but they fail to consider what the relationship was like before the infidelity occurred. Did the two of you spend a lot of time together? Did you have fun on your date nights? Did you have a good sex life?
The fact that a relationship wasn’t doing well doesn’t excuse infidelity but at least it serves to explain it. And if you do decide to continue to be with that person, then the two of you will need to work on your relationship together.
Do You Have a Relationship Pattern of Infidelity?
Every one of us has a pattern in relationships. Some of us are searching for the love we didn’t receive from our parents. Others are looking for someone to save. And some of us tend to fall for people who are in love with someone else or who are not totally committed to us. We get a high from competing for that person’s love. This could be because, as children, we competed with our siblings for the love of our parents.
Of course, it’s very difficult to spot when you’re in a pattern like this. But if you’ve been in a string of relationships where infidelity has been a problem, then you need to ask yourself why you’re falling for these people. Do you unknowingly reject candidates who seem faithful and trustworthy? Spotting a pattern is the first step towards getting out of it.
Call us today to help you break the pattern.
5 Tips for Trusting After an Unhealthy Relationship
If you have experienced unhealthy relationships in your life, it can be difficult to trust – not just a significant other but also your own judgement. This can stem back to childhood, if you lived in a home where you experienced domestic violence. If you are an adult survivor, it can connect to that as well.
Not all relationships are unhealthy, so how do you rebuild your ability to trust after surviving such experiences? There is no exact formula, but there are several steps we can take to help us trust.
- Be honest with yourself and your partner. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. You need to have compassion for yourself. Being honest with your partner is difficult if you’ve experienced unhealthy relationships, but your partner deserves that honesty.
- Seek help from trained professionals. There is no shame in scheduling an appointment with a therapist. Let the therapist help you tackle issues of distrust. They have a clinical, outside perspective that can aid you along in your process of trust.
- Write about your issues. Writing is cathartic and therapeutic. By slowing yourself down to really focus on issues such as trust, you can work through them.
- Listen to your heart and mind. Ask yourself, am I not trusting my partner because of my own trust issues? Or is something funky going on that I need to be concerned about? Learning to trust your heart and mind can help you help yourself.
- Feel the pain. We don’t go to bed one night and wake up healed. It’s a process. Hiding the pain inside is like hiding the problem. You can’t grapple with it, working through it for a better future without acknowledging what hurts.
It’s important to trust yourself and your partner. You deserve a happy future with someone you love. You also deserve to love yourself. So, practice trusting and give yourself a little compassion.