Relationships

InfedilityInfidelity, Relationship Patterns and Trusting Your Partner

Infidelity is one of the hardest things to get over in a relationship. Once you start to think of the other person as untrustworthy, it’s difficult to continue a relationship with them no matter how much they might still want to be with you.

There are certain times when a divorce might seem like the best idea. But there are other times when working on the marriage might seem better. Here are a few questions you might want to ask yourself before you make a decision:

How Solid Was Your Relationship Before the Infidelity?

Many people blame infidelity for their breakups but they fail to consider what the relationship was like before the infidelity occurred. Did the two of you spend a lot of time together? Did you have fun on your date nights? Did you have a good sex life?

The fact that a relationship wasn’t doing well doesn’t excuse infidelity but at least it serves to explain it. And if you do decide to continue to be with that person, then the two of you will need to work on your relationship together.

Do You Have a Relationship Pattern of Infidelity?

Every one of us has a pattern in relationships. Some of us are searching for the love we didn’t receive from our parents. Others are looking for someone to save. And some of us tend to fall for people who are in love with someone else or who are not totally committed to us. We get a high from competing for that person’s love. This could be because, as children, we competed with our siblings for the love of our parents.

Of course, it’s very difficult to spot when you’re in a pattern like this. But if you’ve been in a string of relationships where infidelity has been a problem, then you need to ask yourself why you’re falling for these people. Do you unknowingly reject candidates who seem faithful and trustworthy? Spotting a pattern is the first step towards getting out of it.

Call us today to help you break the pattern.

5 Tips for Trusting After an Unhealthy Relationship

If you have experienced unhealthy relationships in your life, it can be difficult to trust – not just a significant other but also your own judgement. This can stem back to childhood, if you lived in a home where you experienced domestic violence. If you are an adult survivor, it can connect to that as well.

Not all relationships are unhealthy, so how do you rebuild your ability to trust after surviving such experiences? There is no exact formula, but there are several steps we can take to help us trust.

  1. Be honest with yourself and your partner. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. You need to have compassion for yourself. Being honest with your partner is difficult if you’ve experienced unhealthy relationships, but your partner deserves that honesty.
  2. Seek help from trained professionals. There is no shame in scheduling an appointment with a therapist. Let the therapist help you tackle issues of distrust. They have a clinical, outside perspective that can aid you along in your process of trust.
  3. Write about your issues. Writing is cathartic and therapeutic. By slowing yourself down to really focus on issues such as trust, you can work through them.
  4. Listen to your heart and mind. Ask yourself, am I not trusting my partner because of my own trust issues? Or is something funky going on that I need to be concerned about? Learning to trust your heart and mind can help you help yourself.
  5. Feel the pain. We don’t go to bed one night and wake up healed. It’s a process. Hiding the pain inside is like hiding the problem. You can’t grapple with it, working through it for a better future without acknowledging what hurts.

It’s important to trust yourself and your partner. You deserve a happy future with someone you love. You also deserve to love yourself. So, practice trusting and give yourself a little compassion.

ApologyYes, we’ve all done it- something stupid or thoughtless that requires an apology. How do we craft the perfect apology?

An effective apology is both a Science and an Art.   The science is basically the formula- what ingredients to combine under the right circumstances to produce the perfect reaction; that is to be forgiven.

The art is in how you apply the science- how you actually deliver the apology.  When you combine the science and art of an apology you inevitably get the perfect apology.

There are two basic ways to deliver apologies. You can apologize in writing or verbally. In both cases you need to think through the apology to make sure that all the ingredients are present.

There are many variations in both written and verbal apologies but keep in mind these two key points when thinking about how to apologize.

  1. A written apology gives the recipient the time to think about the situation and your apology, before responding.

    2. A verbal apology requires that you be prepared for the conversation that will follow, based on the recipient’s reaction whether it is positive or negative. So be prepared to think on your feet!

Ideas for a Perfect Apology

Poems/Quotes

A poem has long been considered one of the most thoughtful and romantic ways to communicate an apology. They capture the essence of a person’s thought and often invoke an emotional or sensual response. When thinking about ways to say sorry however, a poem alone is never a sufficient alternative to a good and meaningful apology. This is a common mistake that many people make, so put some thought into using a piece of poetry. Using quotes or quotations can also help to illustrate a point and enrich your apology. But like poems quotes should be used to support your apology and not be the apology itself.

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