Relationships

Taking Care of Yourself and Moving On After a Breakup

Breakups affect everyone—those who are married and those who are unmarried, those who have been together for ten years and those who have only been dating for six months. So if your breakup is affecting you, remember that you’re not alone. There are many people around you who feel the same way.

Not everyone may feel equally comfortable expressing how they feel after a breakup; they might keep their emotions bottled up inside. This doesn’t mean that they don’t feel anything. They might be letting their emotions out when they are alone.

It’s normal and necessary to grieve after a breakup. But at some point, you need to make a decision to move on. Here are some tips to help you do so:

Self Care                                   

One of the most important things you need to do after a breakup, which will enable you to move on, is to care for yourself. Be good to yourself in any way possible. For some people, self-care might take the form of reading a mystery novel or doing yoga. For others, a spa day or just a manicure will do the trick. You probably know what makes you feel good. So do that.

But remember to also take care of your health by eating well and exercising. Make an effort to dress well too as this will help you to feel more confident when you’re ready to start dating gain. Keep your home clean and tidy. These are all really basic things but a lot of people tend to ignore them when they are feeling depressed after a breakup.

Dating

At some point, you’re going to feel ready to start dating again. Don’t rely on meeting people by chance. It’s true that a lot of people meet their spouses at work or at school. However, you may not be in school anymore. And there may not be anyone interesting for you to date at work.

So don’t be afraid to go online and set up a profile at a dating website or on an app. Be very clear in your self-description about what you are looking for so that you’re not inundated with “likes” and “superlikes” from people who are looking for something different from you. For example, if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you should say so. On the other hand, if you’re just looking to socialize and meet new people, you can state that as well.

3 Ways to Handle Difficult Conversations in a Relationship

Sometimes being in a relationship requires having a difficult conversation. Every counselor knows that ignoring or avoiding difficult issues in a relationship can actually be more detrimental to a relationship than an argument may be. However, figuring out exactly how to have these kinds of conversations can be problematic. Here are 3 things you can do to make those difficult conversations successful.

Be direct and State the Facts

When having a difficult conversation it is important to focus on what matters most. Be direct and stick to the facts by focusing on exactly what happened and why it created a problem. Usually when the focus of the conversation is on the facts, the other party is less likely to feel attacked and will react better. Hopefully, by being direct and sticking to the facts, you will be able to end the conversation on a good note.

Control Your Emotions

Often you must be prepared for difficult conversations to become emotional. Sometimes your partner has been anticipating the conversation and they handle things very well. But at other times, it can be completely unexpected, and an emotional outburst, whether from anger or sadness, can be common. Be sympathetic but don’t forget or change your message simply because your loved one has become emotional. Your message is important and shouldn’t be compromised because you are surprised or upset by their emotions. These unexpected emotions can be difficult to handle, but often you are as emotionally invested in the issues as your partner is. Therefore, it is paramount to the success of the conversation, and your relationship, that you control your emotions.

End with a Solution

Any challenging conversation should have a purpose. Usually when a difficult conversation is necessary, it is because something our partner is doing is causing problems or bothering us. Therefore, when having those difficult conversations, our goal ought to be finding a solution to the problem. When handled appropriately, your partner will understand that it’s not a personal attack but that you are just honestly trying to find a solution. After understanding this, they are often as motivated to find a solution as you are.

Dealing with these difficult situations and conversations are never fun, but by remembering these 3 things we can ensure that our challenging conversations are less controversial and have better results.

communicating couplesMind games can be complicated, and they can ruin good communication patterns. If your spouse seems to be implying two contradictory things at once, you may need some outside help to get your relationship back on track.

First, give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. If the issue at hand isn’t urgent, then let it go. Maybe your spouse is going through a rough spot in life, and his communication became unusually mixed-up. Allow some time to pass before confronting your spouse on the issue again. Chances are, given time, the mind games will disappear and you can move forward normally.

But if they don’t, don’t despair. You are not going crazy, and this is not your fault. Believe in your own sanity and seek outside help. Do you have a friend you can trust to be fair? Ask her opinion. Can someone else talk to your spouse about the issue? Try that. Gentle, non-combative ways of confronting your spouse are possible. Let him know that you don’t understand, and you don’t appreciate the mixed messages.

Mind games can seriously frustrate a good relationship, but relationships are worth working on. Take it slow, and wisely move forward to untangle the knots.

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